Hater Tuesday

Post is on the short side today, I’ve got hella meetings and work to do today. Weed and therapy ain’t gonna pay for itself…so here we go:

This is exactly the kind of indie folksy bullshit I fucking hate. I just can’t wrap my head around why (white) people love this shit so much. I fantasize about bands like Hold Your Horses, Vampire Weekend and Arcade Fire all being simultaneous booked at some neo-hippy Wood Nymph Festival where they and all their followers will die from drinking too much of the brown kombucha.

But, I have to admit the video is clever. I suggest turning that gypsy clatter all the way down and sync “Hail Mary” by Tupac as the alternative soundtrack.

*image jacked from flickr acct jody-rodgers

The Mission: Listen, I like burritos* and cholos as much as the next gal but enough with the fucking Mission blogotumblrfashionogrampahers already. We are officially at capacity people. There is no longer ANYTHING underground or revolutionary happening in the fucking Mission. I’m not saying my neighborhood is better. I’m just saying I’m done reading about the Mission.

Blog posts I would officially love to never see ever, ever, ever again:

1. Photos of handwritten signage:  You think you’re the first asshole to notice shitty grammar on a store front sign? Give an immigrant a break you fucking dick. No, it’s not worthy of a blog post.

2. Art Cars: No shit. We’re in SF. Deal with it.

3. Bathroom Graffiti: Seriously. Dead this shit. Now.

4. Graffiti: I’m probably the only hip-hop fan who thinks graffiti despite it’s inclusion as one of the “four elements” is a total and complete waste of time. 90% of taggers and graffiti artists are self-important dicks who deface public property for their own entertainment. The days of “making a statement” are long gone. “Pussyfart” or “Daydreemin” scrawled illegibly on a bus stop is not doing anything for the street art movement.

5. Dolores Park: If I see one more post with photos of hipsters lying around in the park like a bunch of fucking sea lions drinking PBR I’m going to fucking scream.

6. Complaining Vegans: It’s no secret that I hate a preachy Vegan. Motherfuckers drive me fucking insane. It seems like you can’t have a blog about the Mission unless you employ** one of these assholes.

7. Benders, Bikes, Bros: ‘Nuff said.

8. Fashion: No more pictures of dirtheads in cut offs, flannel and dirty, err vintage shoes, please.

Paris: Everyone says Paris is sooooo beautiful. It’s actually a country full of chain smoking uppity assholes who drive like maniacs and listen to a lot of shitty house music. The cheese is great and there are some fantastic desserts but that’s about it.

Ambien Dreams : I’m an insomniac so I gets with the Ambien from time to time. Most of the time it’s pretty awesome. Sometimes though shit gets a little weird. I have crazy ass dreams, super animated, bizarre shit with retarded dialog. At least I’m not sleep eating or sleep fucking which are evidently actual side effects people experience.

Shake Weight: Have you seen this commercial? Scientific research shows that giving hand jobs (err, Dynamic Inertia) increases muscle definition in one’s arms. If you don’t have time to jerk off a real person you can use this contraption to “shake” away the excess fat hanging from your biceps. If I had more free time, I’d spend it overlaying Beavis & Butthead audio over this video. Uh huh, huh, uh, huh, uh, huh, huh, huh.

This sign is just one of the reasons why I love living in the Upper Haight (so long SOMA!). I remember when you had to use the word “Water Pipe” when you went into a head shop. Weed culture is so prevalent these days you can walk into a head shop, buy a discount bong, tell them its “for here” and then start shoving weed into it immediately. God Bless America!

I didn’t think it was possible for a video to be gayer than this. I stand corrected.

HOLD THE PHONE!!!! I FORGOT ABOUT THIS ONE, SWEET JESUS! THIS ONE TOO!

I’ll leave you with a palate cleanser …..

Listen to RAAAAAAAANDY’s brilliant new track entitled AAAAAAAANGRY!

You know what you see a lot of when you commute with nerds?

Yep, Nerd Shoes…

WTFlip Flops: First thing first, this bitch has figured out how to SIT pigeon-toed. Let’s just stop a moment and appreciate that. Now the shoes, I don’t know what the fuck is going on here. It’s part gladiator, part hippy toe sandal. Those bands across the top of the foot and the top of the toe are metal. M-E-T-A-L. Ugliest shoes ever. The only acceptable excuse for wearing these shoes is: “I took bong hits and went to TJ Max..they were on sale….Oh, and I lost all my other shoes.”

Aren’t those for the Ocean?: The unfortunate part is that I’ve actually seen about a half dozen different individuals wearing these very shoes. These fuckers creep me out.

**Bonus Flip Flops IN DECEMBER!: Some people have just got something to prove.

Vegan Shoes: I fucking hate Tom’s shoes almost as much as I hate preachy vegans. Turns out I hate them even more when paired with camouflage cargo shorts.

Bare Feet: Seriously THE WORST decision ever. Never OK for a commute. Especially on the company provided commuter shuttle before 8am.

Crazy Slippers: I wonder if these are like THE pair of slippers or if they are part of a larger collection of crazy slippers?

Did We Ever Talk About This?

You don’t see too much old fashioned public slander anymore so I had to stop, take a picture and do my part by posting it on the internet. I give the creator of this flyer an A+ for photo selection (you know those are straight from a Bear411.com profile) but I wish he had chosen a different font. I know he wants this to read vengeful and retaliatory but that font just says bitchy and bitter.

Hmm, If We Didn’t Talk About That, Then We Couldn’t Have Talked About This…

If one more person tells me how AMAZING Lady GaGa is I’m going to fucking scream. This dude talked my ear off for 18 fucking blocks about her “commitment to art” and “revolutionary approach to mainstream pop.”