The Internet is RUINING My Life Edition

Anyone else feel like they are on an endless internet hamster wheel of Facebook, Twitter, Gmail, Instagram, Vine, Tumblr and YouTube? By the time I finish checking all my shit it’s time to check all my shit again.

And it’s not like I’m getting VITAL news. Or gaining life changing wisdom. This week I present you with a selection of things that are contributing to the jelly-fication of my grey matter.

Instagram

Instagram reminds me EVERYDAY that this country is on High Alert, Level ORANGE on the Ratchet Infestation Scale.

Please, fathers love your daughters. Your attention today can save everyone from the ratchet realness below, tomorrow.

and this….

Googlin’ Stuff

It’s official. I’m turning into my mother. These are screencaps of shit I ACTUALLY googled in the past few weeks.

You know you are curious. Click here for the answer to this burning question (pun intended).

Vine

I can’t stop watching Riff Raff vines. It’s my official new happy place. I’ve resigned myself to accept his genius. I mean come on, Rap Game Gwen Stefani?

Twitter

My brother and I have been actively involved in an ongoing Twitter war for quite sometime now. He is infuriated that I have nearly 6 times the amount of followers that he has. His jealousy of my Twittership forces him to act out online, which forces me to retaliate. Ultimately he maintains that my Twitter is fluff and his is substance. I maintain that Twitter is fluff and therefore I rule the Twitterverse in the Popovich family.

I mean last time I checked a bunch of comic book dudes, wrestling weirdos and IRL people follow my brother. Two weeks ago, Lil B followed me. I rest my case.

I’m NEARLY to 666, so please for the love of Lucifer follow me if you aren’t already.

Inbox Gold

People email me pictures, links and all kinds of things they hate on. Most of them are kinda dumb or already well covered. Other times they are gold. GOLD. I try to write a little something and then I file it for when I need something to post. Because we live in a digital age (and I’m a moron) sometimes files are unexpectedly lost. I thought this was one of the goners. Tonight, I found it. I feel like it’s still worth it. If it’s not. I’m sorry.

IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK!

DO YOU SMELL WHAT I’M COOKING?

Facebook

Promotions, promotions, promotions. I wish that people would learn how to filter friends by geographical location and relationship so that I could stop getting invites from the 500 comics I know. I mean I’m a comic. I don’t invite other comics unless they are performing or I’m pals with them and actually would like to see their faces in the audience for support.

Then there’s all the weird spam and cookie based advertising that creeps everyone out and the “other” messages that show up out of no where from people in strange places who don’t know how to use consonants when they type. Most of these people also confuse numbers with letters.

This is like MySpace all over again.

Anyhoo…

I AM headlining a show at San Francisco Punch Line on July 23. It’s gonna be me and a bunch of pals that make ME laugh making YOU laugh. Tickets are on sale now.

Check out the event info on Facebook.

I also host an all women’s stand up showcase at the dopest bar in Oakland, The Layover. Check out our event on Facebook OR Tumblr.

So yeah man…the internet.