Archive for January, 2013

Ladies & Gentlemen, It’s Fucking Hater Tuesday


Never in the history of rap names has a rap name bothered me more than Macklemore.

This video, this song….is exactly why white people shouldn’t be allowed to create rap music.

There I said it. I feel a lot better.

Can we all stop rocking it ironically or truthfully now?

I really need to stop saying “awesome”.

I’m going to watch some Fat Trel videos so I can feel clean again.

Ladies & Gentlemen, It’s Mutherfucking Hater Tuesday

Oh hi Lena Dunham, cool dress. Just kidding. It’s hideous. If the look you were trying to cultivate is “Frumpy As Fuck” you nailed it!

Your super confident pose really adds to the magic of this dress. Your shoulders don’t look like boulders at all. And that color? Whoa momma – I can’t think of a color that would have made you look more ruddy and weird in the face. Shit like it came from the Grimace Couture Collection. Who picked this dress?? Olivia Dukakis wouldn’t even wear this dress. And how about some jewelry? I’m not saying jewels would have saved this dress but they certainly would have helped.

I know she’s capable of better……Look at this little number…

Sure the top is billowy, boxy and makes her look like SquareTits NoPants but the color is nice and her legs look great. She looks bright, happy, comfortable and truly confident. I know the Globes is a formal event but that doesn’t mean you have to abandon your personal sense of style and ignore the needs of your body. Lena needs to decide – am I quirky or am I not quirky?  Lena is known for being a young innovative woman who is eschewing the feminine standard yet she wore that incredibly dated and traditional dress to the Golden Globes. She would have looked adorable in something shorter, sassier and more age appropriate.

Look at Helen fucking Mirren — she’s fucking perfect. GODDAMNED PERFECT!

I’ve hated on this before but because I nearly hit one of these assholes on my way back from lunch, I found it appropriate to remind everyone that


I mean if you are Amish, I’ll give a pass but everyone else GET A BIKE! Get some running shoes. Get a car. Get on the bus. Ask a friend for a ride. Just don’t get on a fucking razor scooter.

In other news, I have a BIG TIME SHOW tonight at The Punch Line. You should come.