It’s Valentine’s Day
I’d like to send out some Valentine’s Day adoration to some of my favorite people. I know this blog is called HATER TUESDAY but even haters needs to give love to get love so let’s get this party started.
• Nick Kroll – Marry me.
• Schoolboy Q – I love you. Now and forever. Your cadence makes me wet. Never stop rapping.
• Kendrick Lamar – I don’t care if you aren’t tall enough to ride the big kid rides at Disneyland, I’d still fuck. You are saving rap. I appreciate you.
• James Adomian – If you ever want a lady mouth instead of a man mouth, call me. Otherwise, it’s cool. I’ll keep loving you as long as you keep being awesome at Huell Howser.
• Paul F. Tompkins – You have the sincerest mustache of them all.
• Megan Mullaly + Nick Offerman – I just want to watch. Promise.
• Marc Maron – Are we good? We’re good. I have a framed portrait of you on my wall. The only other people that share this honor are E-40, Don Rickles, Betty Davis and my family. Can I sit on your face?
• Don’t Stop Or We’ll Die – Please, please, please come to SF and perform at my 35th birthday party. You make me so happy.
• Lisa Bonet – Fuck you. Why do you get all the fine men? I want to hunt you down, steal a dreadlock and insert it like an IUD in hopes of gaining all of your pussy powers.
Lose the Personalities, Keep the Tits
I recently watched all three seasons of United States of Tara. What a trippy show. I dunno if I can co-sign for the concept of the show but Toni Collette is pretty fucking amazing in it. The only thing more amazing than her acting is her physical transformation, namely her tits. First season her tits are amazing. Second season they are aiight. Third season it’s like WTF? Where’d her tits go? Why is she so skinny. It’s a real bummer. That lady can act though.
Stay Hatin’ and Ladies Doin’ It for Themselves
My brothers in hate, Matthew Africa, SergDun and Soft_Money were nice enough to have me on a very special episode of Stay Hatin’. We discuss rappin’ ass rap music.
This one’s for THE LADIES
*Note to Gentlemen: If you gonna take a sexy picture…take your socks off. Or at least make sure they are right side out.
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY
Any potential suitors can send chocolate and flowers (weed) directly to me. I’ll be at Milk Bar tonight stanning on James Adomian. Check my website for MY live performance dates including an upcoming date with dreamboat Moshe Kasher on April 4 in Oakland.