‘Tis the Season to Knock Off
My buddy Steve and his lovely wife Marisa have a very awesome business called Mad Wit. Their key product is called Shticks. They are collections of funny sayings on hand held signs to be used in various settings – your car, your office, your party, for your kids. Steve and Marisa worked really hard on the concept and have been really successful thus far with this simple yet clever idea. So successful in fact Macy’s has knocked them off. Macy’s version looks shittier and is more expensive. It’s a real bummer that Macy’s just knocked them off as opposed to just stocking Shticks. Help stop swagger-jacking and support small business. If you need some silly fun holiday gifts for coworkers, neighbors, freinds check out Sticks.
Cupcake in a Jar
There are 3, 360, 000 Google image results for “cupcake in a jar” – THEY BE PUTTIN’ HELLA CUPCAKES IN JARS YO! I need a cupcake in a jar like I need a turnip in my asshole. Why are we fucking with the cupcake? It’s just fine the way it is. This is like the dessert equivalent of the KFC bowl or as Patton Oswalt calls it “the failure bowl.” Why not just spoon frosting directly into your mouth? Shoving two tiny pieces of cake into a jar with frosting doesn’t make it socially acceptable to consume this much frosting. Ever.
Stuck in the Krollblums
Fuck you very much FX for putting this image into my head. My love for Nick Kroll is well documented. Not so well documented but absolutely real is my love for crazy ass Jeff Goldblum. I NEVER saw the resemblance until I saw them next to each other. Now I can’t get this shit out of my (dirty) mind. My Kroll fetish makes SO MUCH more sense now. I’ve had a lady boner for Goldblum since the 9th grade. It developed shortly my homegirl Farrah confessed she had sex dreams about Goldblum during a hard core game of Girl Talk. My initial reaction was surprise and slight disgust but I couldn’t stop thinking about Goldblum. Next thing I knew he was visiting me in my (sex) dreams. He’s been a long time resident of the shower files. I know he’s bonkers but as Kristee Ono says, crazy fucks well.
Everyone Loves Fushigi
Fushigi. This is THE BEST informercial video ever made. Prepare to be mesmerized!
“Like I don’t know what it is …. but I CAN DO IT!”
Additional value: Guaranteed to preserve virginity when used in public.
Das Racist on Conan
I’m all for brown people appropriating white *cough – hipster – cough* culture but we’ve got to draw the line somewhere. I’d like to draw that line with Das Racist. I’ve heard of them but managed to evade their actual music for quite sometime now. I saw these guys on Conan and man was it terrible. WTF? People are cosigning on this shit? This is embarrassing. Somewhere one of those girl’s father is sitting in an armchair yelling at his TV….”I SPENT $75K ON ART SCHOOL SO YOU COULD “STUDY” PERFORMANCE ART AND YOU’RE PLAYING CYMBALS WITH SOME PAKIS AND MJ IMPERSONATOR?”
See what I did there?
RIP Patrice O’Neal
Patrice O’Neal was crazy and hilarious in all the perfect ways a comic should be. He was unapologetic-ally opinionated – a really great storyteller and a fantastic comic.