Archive for October, 2011

Ladies and Gentlemen, It’s Mutherfucking Hater Tuesday

Leave Beyoncé Alone

Who cares if Beyoncé is really pregnant or not? She’s Beyoncé. She can do whatever she wants. If she wants to use a surrogate and fake a pregnancy in order to keep her pussy and body tight I say go for it. Who said anyone gets an opinon? She’s mutherfucking Beyoncé. She sold a kajillion platinum singles and created  countless award-winning videos before she even turned 30. She’s been performing since she could stand. If Jay’s OK with it, you should be too.

Shut the fuck up and keep your eyes on more important things like…

How FAT is Christina Aguilera?

The Plus Size community welcomes Christina Aguilera. These pictures make me so so so happy. Somewhere Dee Snyder and Snookie are on a conference call discussing how they are going to ruin this bitch.

Metallica is NOT for 8 year-olds

Watch This

My thoughts:

This sucks. How are you 8 years old and can’t pronounce Rs, Ls and other basic word combinations? That kids sings like a damn toddler. He has no business singing Metallica. Those lyrics are supposed to be ominous NOT adorable. I mean come on ….”in your cwoset, in your bed…..entor niiiight….” ??? The fuck? I love how the parent in charge cut the girl out of the video because the expression on her face is like “When do we get to play Katy Perry songs? I’m only doing this because my dad makes me”
The only kid i approve of here is the drummer. He’s got moxy.

Turns out Walnut Creek is A LOT freakier than I thought. Team Cornholing? Dang. In SF this flier would have an ENTIRELY different meaning.

Look At This Fucking Nerd

If you want to be a super important photo-blogger you have to make sacrifices like editing and uploading photos to Tumblr while you should be watching football with your friends. He’s fighting the good fight you guys. I hope you appreciate all that he does for you. Blogging is hard.

To All The Nicknames I’ve Had Before

Lyd -i- Gations
L Boogie
L Train
L Ron Pubbard
Lynda or Lyndia (dumb people at starbucks and telemarketers)

Comments of the Week

“Do you really want some famous cock in your mouth? I’ve been on tv… ;) nice blog.”

Just A Reminder

I do jokes in real life. I have HELLA shows this month in SF, Oakland + Berkeley. Come out and see me live.

I’ll also be moderating a very special panel at COMIKAZE EXPO … details coming soon.

Ladies & Gentlemen, It’s Mutherfucking Hater Tuesday

More Celebrity Mash Ups Please

This picture was all over the internet today. I love it. This what happens if you loose a fight to Sad Keanu. You BECOME Sad Keanu. It’s just like that Patton Oswalt joke.

White People Are Crazy

Do you see this shit? Old white people in matching outfits “skiing” around SF. Evidently this is a fucking thing…ROLLER SKIING. It’s a competitive activity that people ACTIVELY participate in. Mind blown.

Check out homegirl, she’s sweating like a mofo. It was a whopping 66 degrees out by the way. Being old sucks.

Gimme Some Rope (yes that’s a euphanism)

Here’s a picture of Dave Grohl diagramming his love for me and all the possible ways he’s going to be able to jump off stage and into my arms when he is performing on October 19th at the Oakland Coliseum. I love you Dave. I can’t wait to see you. I’ll be ovulating.

Remember when Comic-Con was about comic books, anime, D&D and other nerdly areas of interest? When it wasn’t an advertising cluster fuck awash with poorly thoughtout marketing campaigns in support of a TV or film bastardization of a beloved series that was lovingly and thoughtfully created by someone who actually cared about the integrity of a story arc as opposed to the potential capital revenue gains from a sexy adaptation?

Yeah me neither. But I really am not a fan of the MASSIVE crowds and wading through a sea of bros in Captain America shirts in order to reach my intended destination on a convention floor.

COMIKAZE intends to take it back to the streets. It’s an expo for us…by people like us. Combining horror, comics, gaming, anime and just about everything a young or old nerdling could hope or want to enjoy all in one place. I’m a big horror fan so I was EXCITED when I saw that ANGELA from the series SLEEPAWAY CAMP is going to be there. It’s also going to be Elvira’s FINAL appearance at an expo. It’s only $20 for two days. They have some freebies on Goldstar too. Did I mention that the CEO is a lady? It’s gonna be a super great time. If you are in the LA area or are willing to travel you should check it out November 5 & 6. Rumor has it there might even be some comedy there.

They’ll also be hosting awesome events around LA leading up to the expo like this one at Meltdown Comics. Go check them out so I can live vicariously through you.

Meanwhile In Real Life…

A joke I wrote that no one laughed at but should have:

9/11 was a total conspiracy. I mean seriously, what WON’T men do to get laid!

Speaking of jokes, I am doing A LOT of AWESOME shows this month including one TONIGHT – A TUESDAY at 330 Ritch in SF. It’s $10. It’s an ALL FEMALE show. That’s right – hella tits. And jokes.

Click on the link over there on the right that says I DO JOKES IN REAL LIFE for more info on shows you can attend.