Hey SF Rain!
Suck a dick, son! I’m tryin’ to have a Summah ovah here!
Children’s Summer Camp groups should not be allowed to use public transportation during commute hours. I missed my work shuttle last week thanks to 25 snot nosed brats don’t know how to ride the bus. Everyone knows you MOVE TO THE BACK of the bus and you stand as close as possible to people despite the fact that they smell so that your fellow commuters can join in the misery and make it to work on time and get our mutherfucking paper. But no, these little shits were scattered throughout with backpacks jumping about like god damn monkeys while 5 inexperienced teenage camp counselors timidly shouted, “Brock…move back sweetie” and “Sebastien, don’t pull on the cords, make room for the people….thank yooooooou.” Guess what Brock and Sebastien didn’t give a shit. They wiggled about making ZERO room for me and 5 of my fellow commuters trying to shoehorn ourselves in the back door. We all got kicked off the bus because the door wouldn’t shut. Whatever happened to chartering a damn school bus? Fuck.
This is street art I can get behind
Listen buddy, you’re over 30. You are waiting for your wi-fi enabled shuttle to your corporate job. It’s time to eat something age appropriate for breakfast. Chocolate Quik and French Onion Sun Chips are the reason you’re NOT getting laid. May I suggest a coffee and a Tiger Milk bar? How about an orange juice and a bagel? You might also want to do something about the Costco sized box of Bagel Bites in your freezer and the Kirkland brand bucket of Cheese Puffs next to your “gaming” chair. And no they DON’T make Game of Thrones bedsheets.
I went to the “club” last week for the first time in YEARS. I was there less than an hour when I saw this guy
His shirt reads, “If you don’t like money, you don’t like us.” I thought I loved money…but evidently I don’t. Nice Blackberry holster bro.
I ventured into the suburbs of the East Bay last week and I saw this place. The jokes tell themselves. All I know is if I was a 13 year old boy in Walnut Creek, I DEF know what my summah prank would be.
I LOVE fried chicken. Who doesn’t? But $2000 for a Fried Chicken Garden Party? That’s $200 a person. For fried chicken. You have GOT to be kidding me. I made a list of great places to get fried chicken for less than $2000 for comic and dreamboat Nick Kroll last year. I guess you guys can see it too.
Saw this winner on the bus – yes that’s a giant marjiuana leaf tattooed on his face BUT the real story and I do mean story is what’s tattooed on his bald head. It’s a gripping visual allegory about the US government and the war on drugs. It’s EXTREMELY detailed and includes teeny tiny little pot leaves escaping from a giant fist holding dollar bills that are being pulled out of the Capital building. Please for the love of god, get in there and ZOOM so you an see the beauty and feel the magic. I risked my life taking this picture for you.
In other news – I’ll be performing stand up comedy at the SAN JOSE IMPROV on JULY 10. If you are on Facebook you can get on the FREE guest list by visiting/liking my page and leaving a comment.
I’ll also be performing in the 5 Funny Females show August 5th at the Purple Onion. I’m on the 10pm show with Mary Van Note, Joselyn Hughes and Michelle Buteau hosted by the amazing Susan Alexander. This is going to be so freaking awesome I can’t even begin to tell you. Don’t sleep.