Archive for April, 2011

Well, that’s easy….I PET the kitty and I EAT the pig. WHY? Because the pig is fucking delicious and cats I’ve got to assume are a little gamey. Also, not sure if you’ve petted a pig recently but they aren’t exactly sporting a luxurious coat. It’s sorta rough and bristly. Also pigs are HUGE not small and cute like this piglet in the photo. They aren’t really ideal for housepets or lap animals.

Another reason NOT to eat cats. They (I assume) are a PAIN in the ass to gut, clean and butcher. Unless you are going to town on a 35lb Maine Coon it’s not really worth the trouble to skin a cat. The meat yield is shit. Pigs as I mentioned earlier are HUGE and their sparse coat burns off really easily and makes butchering pretty straight forward. And the meat yield? Waaaaay more than a shitty little cat. Also, bacon. And procuitto.

So yeah. That’s WHY! Hope I could help.

“409 Historic Buildings in 33 Blocks. Yeah, We’re Proud.” – the new motto of the UPTOWN Tenderloin.

What about thae 356 tranny hookers, 546 crackheads + junkies, 290 abusive pimps and the 670 paranoid schitzos? That’s something to be proud of.

Two things.

1. This is what happens when you name a child Sierra and then give her all the love and attention she deserves. She’s gonna run away with the first hobo-hipster in a VW van with a decent bag of weed the minute you tell her she can’t borrow the Audi wagon to go to Haight Street to look at new gauze dresses.

2. Dadface? Seriously? WTF? This is NOT a suitable nickname for oneself. In fact this leads me to believe that maybe Sierra is better off on the streets instead of at home with creepy old Dadface who’s probably making one too many visits to her bedroom at night to make sure she’s “tucked in”.

WOW! Ludacris has your career really come to this? Everyone knows that a career is defined by the aspect ratio on movie posters. The larger your face or your name the more relevant you are. Poor Ludacris is so small you can barely see him. Tyrese is bigger than you, shit those two nameless dudes next to Tyrese are bigger than you. Why are you even in this movie? Please stop acting and just go back to rapping now. You are embarrassing ALL of us. Have some dignity.

Oh also…

This is THE big show people! I’d love to see as many of your faces in that room as possible. Come support live comedy, have some drinks and vote for me. I’m trying to win this bitch!

Rooster T Feathers
157 West El Camino Real
Sunnyvale, CA 94087
(408) 736-0921
tickets are $15

get yer tickets this shit WILL sell out AND make reservations in advance for a table if you are coming in a big group or you just want to be sure you have a good seat.

It’s Just Another Day…

Yeah. I know. It’s 4.20. Guess what? I don’t give a fuck. I don’t need a special day to celebrate weed smoking. 4.20 is for amateurs, the unemployed, college kids and old guys who think wearing a 420 shirt will actually garner them access to unattainable Girls Gone Weed pussy.

I am a highly functional stoner who refuses to align herself with most mainstream weed culture. Shit is just embarassing.

With that said, if you are looking for something to do tonight look no further. There is an awesome comedy show going down at THE PURPLE ONION.

It’s a stellar line up and it’s only$10. That leaves hella extra money for weed, yo.

This week’s hate in pictures….

First up … Sterzings Potato Chips

These came as a part of my monthly package from A.D.I.D.A.S* I was excited at first. I loved the yellow bag and the slogan “Tri-Some.”  The chips are hand made in Iowa from real potatoes each day. Sounded promising. Wrong. These were the most disgusting chips I’ve ever tasted. I opened the bag and was immediately overwhelmed by the sweet smell. It was distinctly donut shop smelling. Like old fried in dirty oil donut shop. Then I ate one. Texturally speaking they were great – strong, crisp, crunchy…but that’s where the goodness stops. Taste wise they were weirdly sweet. They left a strange film in my mouth that reminded me of yep, you guessed it fucking donuts. I had 8 coworkers taste them and unprompted they each said, “WTF? Why are these sweet?…I can’t place the taste” and then I’d say “Donuts??” and they would go “OMG….YES….FUCKING DONUTS….WTF?” Snack fail.

Next up Bros Who Roll Up Pant Legs for No Reason Whatsoever

The sun came out this week in SF which means everyone loses their minds and starts dressing and acting like bigger assholes than usual. I’ve seen three too many dudes with their shirts off walking around all casually like their nipples aren’t on display. Men. Seriously. Leave your shirt on. It’s not Jamaica. It’s SF. It’s not that hot. It will never be hot enough to merit shirt taking off in public streets. Anyhoo, this asshole had his leg all rolled up and there wasn’t even a bike on the front of the bus. Seriously? Does your right calf need cooling down that badly? Just one leg? Who are you LL Cool J? Roll it down bro. Roll it down.

On a related note, Phillipino men and hipster runoff PLEASE throw away all your stingy brimmed fedoras, Huck Finn-esque rolled up jorts, snapfront pearl button plaid shirts and Ray Bans. You are not at Coachella. That look was sooo last summer. Find something new please.

Moving on to the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen….AKA How I Know God is Real

Ladies and Gentlemen, what you are looking at here is a cholo on a chromed out mini-lowrider bicycle fashioned with a mini chain steering wheel with a laptop looking at a PERSONAL gallery of fluffy white persian kitties. On. A. BART TRAIN.  Seriously. I can’t make this up. It happened. Blow that picture up. I wouldn’t lie about this. FUCKING KITTENS! CHOLO! LAPTOP! BART!

Later that same day I saw this guy

Dumbledore here is reading an issue of ROAD SCHOLAR magazine on Muni. He’s got a mutherfucking crystal ball ring for fucks sake.


*A.D.I.D.A.S. (All Day I Dream About Snacks) is a private club run by and for snack enthusiasts. All snacks should be rare, regional or otherwise special.