Archive for November, 2010

Ladies and Gentlemen, It’s The Mutherfucking Lost Hater Tuesday Post*

Tara Reid is 35!

I’ve been celebrating one of God’s most special creations for the last few weeks.* Here are a few of my favorite Tara posts from the Hater Tuesday archives.

Tara and Rodman sittin’ in a tree… – August 2010

Skeletor is a shitty bikini model – December 2007

Total Eclipse of the Fart – February 2007

“I’m not drunk, my picture is only taken when I’ve got a cup in my hand” - October 2006

Spongetara Square Tits – July 2005

*Stoner Blogger’s Note: Duuuude. I thought I lost this post two weeks ago. Turns out I’m just a retard. I just never posted it. It was totally saved as a draft. Pfffvvvvt. Anyhooze, Tara celebrated her special day (11.08) on St. Barth’s with a small gathering of friends including her left nipple – that guy always gets so excited at parties.

I Paid For HD!

What the fuck is wrong with you DirectTV? Why the fuck can’t I get AMC in HD? I should be enjoying high definition zombie chopping on The Walking Dead every Sunday. I’ve been looking forward to this series for hella long and now I have to PAY EXTRA aaaaand wait until Monday to watch it when my iTunes Season Pass drops the HD on me? Balls.

You have until Mad Men starts to get your shit together. I’m trying to spend future Sundays with 46″ of Don Draper HD all up in my living room. Seen?

Fucking Hipsters

A friend of mine recently told me a groaner of a joke. Here’s a transcript:

Him: “How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? ”

Me: “Hmmm, I’m gonna say 3. One to photograph it shittily with a jailbroken iPhone, one to blog/check-in/tweet/status update about it and one to point out the “epic” irony while wearing one of those three wolves crewnecks?”

Him: “Hahahahahaha, wow that’s actually way funnier than the punchline. Have you heard this joke before?”

Me: “I don’t think so…I think I just made that up. Who knows. Well? What’s your fucking punchline?”

Him: (proudly indifferent) “Oh it’s a really obscure number I don’t think you’ve heard of it”

Me: eye roll**grooooooooooooooan*  “Yeah. Mine’s better.”

Some Unsolicited Advice

It’s getting cold again people. We’re finally havin’ a wintah. I’m getting prepared and so should you. I bought a new coat and some walkin’ around pork. Whaddayamean what the hell is “walkin’ around pork”?  Sheesh, you really DO have some preparing to do.

And Finally…

Fuck You Christmas Music! Stop raping my earholes.

The McRib Returns. The sandwich with an epic story to tell.

Let me save you $6.19 and some intestinal dismay by telling you the story – it’s not pork, it’s not beef, it’s not even an actual rib. It’s a grey amorphous blob of congealed meat products cleverly flavored. I say cleverly not because it tastes so much like ribs but rather because it tastes NOTHING like ribs.

I fucking love ribs. I’ve spent a good deal of time perfecting and fine tuning my ribs so this sandwich is an insult to my being. For the price of a large McRib combo at McDonald’s you could get a fine rib plate at most any BBQ shack in the Bay. Fuck a McRib – support your local BBQ establishment. Rib tips. Know ’bout em.

Mutherfuckers Ain’t Ready – SF knows how to party. Streets be poppin’. Fools were ghost riding fire engines. Setting shit on fire. I think we all agree that riots aside seeing fools go dumb and get genuinely hyphy was amazing.

The local news reporting last night was awesome. I saw four people smoking weed on TV. At least 10 testimonials from drunken fans slurring “TOOOOOOOOOOOORSHURE…..go GIAAAAAAANTS” and one dude just yelled “TIMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAY” in that South Park voice.

My favorite came from a woman who looked like she had never watched a baseball game in her life. She explained to the camera man that she didn’t like baseball but she liked the Giants because they were “berry nice beople” and came to spend time with her “son with disabilities” once.

Really hoping that people parlay the excitement about this win into the voting booths. Prop 19 is on the bill in Cali and if it passes that means it’s fittin’ to be a Weed-for-All. Weedafornia. I’m also not trying to have Republicans tea-bagging me so GET OUT THERE AND VOTE!.

What’s that stoner? You don’t remember where to vote?

That’s a real website by the way. Use it.

oh and Fuck, Yeah Giants!