Archive for September, 2009

Ladies & Germs, It’s Mutherfucking Hater Tuesday!

I’ve been staring at this photo for like 5 months wondering how the fuck to incorporate this beauty into this blog. It’s come down to today. A day where I don’t want to leave you hanging but, a day that I don’t really have time to pen up something fresh for you.

So in lieu of a lengthy post fueled with expletives and disdain for hipster runoff, I leave you this. A photo taken last March in Hell’s Kitchen of a pimp cup wielding Dominican father and his incredibly adorable son. Ahhh life as a fat kid with a fork…look at the ecstasy on that kid’s face juxtaposed against the immense look of pride on his father’s. Contemplate perfection mutherfuckers. For real.

Damen & Herren, Es Ist MutterGeschlechtsbestimmung Hater Tuesday

Shitty Translations:

How hard is it to translate a fucking movie? Evidently, it’s very fucking hard because I can’t remember the last time I watched a foreign movie with decent subtitles. This insightful translation above is from Spanish director Jaume Balaguer√≥‘s Los sin nombre. This movie is in Spanish. Fucking Spanish, not Quechua. There is NO excuse for poorly translated Spanish language films, especially in the United States. You know how many mutherfuckers speak Spanish here? A shitload. That’s how many. Attention movie studios: GET SOME MUTHERFUCKERS WHO KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THEY ARE DOING. YOU ARE MAKING ASSES OF YOURSELVES. WE CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE.

Things I Learned At The KMEL Summer Block Party:

1. Although traditionally thrown during the day on an actual city block it is not necessary to hold it on “the block” or during the day.

2. Coordinated outfits are the jam. You heard me, Sadie Hawkins style matching is the new hot shit. Neons, hot pinks, aquas, teal blues, purples, reds and other vibrant jewel tones are a big plus.

3. Lumberjacks with a hat to match are also back in style. See above referenced color pallet.

4. Keyshia Cole has the Cassie haircut. Why Keyshia? Why?

5. It’s still cool to dance.

6. Inserting “my album is in stores now” into any verse is totally okay.

7. Fuck what you heard, black guys are eating pussy and liking it.

8. To “get your bitch” all R.Kelly needs is his CD, a bag of weed and some Patron. And once he’s got her, he’s not going to stop until she screaaaaaaaaaams his name.

9. We all need to work on our poses.

10. Hip Hop is a family affair

Everybody is Fucking Food Blogger/Critic Now

Thanks to Yelp and Twitter, everyone thinks they are fucking Michael Bauer. I can’t go to a restaurant these days without seeing someone stall their meal to whip out their phone and take a picture of their damn food. I’m all for documenting a good meal but come on people, there is a time and a place for that shit. I was out to eat recently when someone leaned over from the table next to me and asked if they could photograph my dinner. With their iPhone. For their Yelp account. Talk about rude.¬† 90% of the pictures end up looking like this. Now I ask you, does this image entice you? I think not. I love me some food. Eating is one of my hobbies and true joys in this world. If you’ve ever met me then you have probably talked to me about food. But you don’t see me with a food blog now do you? Shit is so fucking hot these days. All these bitchmade wannabe bloggers/critics are killing me. Mutherfuckers swarmed the last few food events I attempted to enjoy – Meat Locker and SF Street Food Festival were the worst.¬† SergDun, Joe Bank$ and I had to body check dudes at the former for sliders and we aborted the latter event entirely after seeing the insane amounts of people waiting in line for a fucking tamale you can get at Alemany farmers market on any given Saturday. Don’t even get me started on the ridiculously hip street food movement that’s happening in this city. I’m going to save that for another day.