File Under: You’re Doin’ It Wrong
First things first, please click here for a larger view.
I’m no porn casting expert but something tells me this is NOT the way to go about recruiting talent. I mean unless you really, really want to deal with screening calls from hella crackheads/meth-heads/generally homeless or otherwise disgusting desperate women. There is no way that this method of recruiting is going to work out well. But maybe that’s the intention? The plot for this film is bonkers. Power Rangers meets Out Of This World? WTF? People are into some really, really wierd shit these days. Call me old fashioned but I all need from porn is some tits, a big dick or two and some fucking. You can keep the power crystals, alien fathers and helmeted leagues of psychologically damaged teens with split tounges.
Speaking of fucking, you know whats really annoying?
Uppity Pregnant Bitches
You know the type, women who act like they are the first woman to ever get pregnant and carry a child. From the moment they find out they are pregnant to the instant that little fucker pops out, all that bitch talks about is “the beauty of giving life.” She can’t stop talking about what a wonder the human body is and how connected she feels to the universe. God help you if you try to initiate a conversation that doesn’t revolve around her pending birth, her bloated figure or how she’s feeling about any of the related issues. 95% of these women insist on having blogs or galleries or email newsletters so that they can “share” their experience. Guess what? I don’t give a fuck. Congratulations, you’re pregnant. Good luck. I hope that all works out well for you. I don’t need to hear about your last sonogram or why you are going to use a mid-wife or how wonderful the whole process is. Bitches have been getting pregnant for millions and millions of years. You are not the chosen one. Same shit happens to every single lady. You get knocked up, you may or may not start puking on the daily, you go to the doctor, you start getting fatter over the course of 9months and every month you get to do less and less shit normal people get to do. Then one day you feel like someone stabbed you in the uterus and then some hours/days later a tiny screaming poop machine arrives to fuck up your life forever. See? Now who needs an entire blog for that? We need to stop pandering to these uppity hoes. I’m tired of acting like it’s so goddamn special. You know what’s special? Not getting knocked up. I can do anything I want including but not limited to smoking hella weed, getting massages, eating sushi, drinking as often and as much as I like, see my feet, wear pants that button, ride roller coasters, sit in a booth at a restaraunt, carry heavy shit, wear ALL my shoes…I think you see my point.
Friends, can I ask you a question?
What’s so wrong with pants? Like real pants. Ones made from actual fabric with warp and weft, ones with french seams and waistbands with buttons and/or zipper closures on the front?
Bitches need to start wearing pants again. For reals. I shouldn’t have to ask myself several times a day, “does she have shorts on under that?”
And for the record, despite what Katie Perry and Lady Gaga think – hot pants, rompers, leotards ARE not a suitable alternative to pants. If you are on stage performing wear that shit. That’s fine. But on the street? Get some pants.
In closing, I’d like to leave you with 3 reminders why leggings/tights are NOT pants.*
*all three of these awesome reminders came from Stop N Reflect – a blog dedicated to the fashion attrocities of NYC.
File Under: You Don’t Need THAT Much Soap.
1. Only one of these bottles is filled with an actual beverage intended for consumption.
2. The gentleman using these three laundry related substances had absolutely NO concept of how much substance to use. He did 2 loads of laundry. He used ALL of the blue one, ALL of the purple one and HALF of the aqua blue one.
3. Those are 16, 20 and 32 oz bottles respectively. That means dude used roughly 26oz of laundry related liquid for each load. 26 FUCKING OUNCES OF SOAP PER LOAD. W…T…F. No wonder the machines fucking break all the time and smell like Fabuloso Fantastico.
4. For the record you only need about 1 – 4.5 oz of soap per load. Seriously people, less is more.