Archive for January, 2008


Ladies & Gentlemen, It’s Hater Tuesday

Weezy Gets Arrested

“The rapper’s bus was flagged for inspection by a K-9 unit. After the New Orleans native consented to a search, the K-9 unit boarded Wayne’s bus to complete a full search.”

Tour Manager fuck up #1. Never let an artist answer the door when the cops are knocking. Get your lazy ass up and do your job. Don’t let those fools on the bus without a warrant.

Tour Manager fuck up #2 -
Don’t carry drugs in the bus with the performers. That’s what a weed holder is for. Put his ass and the drugs in a separate car that travels either ahead or behind you and never admit you are traveling with other vehicles in your caravan. Especially, in AZ or NEVADA or near a border.

“Sanchez added that the K-9 Unit recovered 105 grams of marijuana (3.7 ounces), almost 29 grams of cocaine (1.02 ounces), 41 grams of Ecstasy (1.05 ounces) and $22,000 dollars in cash.”

Damn that’s an impressive stash. Too bad that cash count is hella low. If you’ve been on tour you should have a lot more cash than that laying around. At least your tour manager is making regular deposits. You can write that cash off it ain’t never coming back.

“The two other individuals were charged with possession of marijuana,” Sanchez said. “Mr. Carter was charged with possession of the cocaine and ecstasy, and possession of miscellaneous paraphernalia.”

For reals, Weezy needs to get his game tight. How he taking the rap for the hard narcotics? He needs a full on dope holder — you can’t be carrying all that coke yourself player. Fools is getting fired.

In other news, I just came back from my first trip to Canada…

Evidently my hotel’s room service menu was proof read by Corey Trevor

Jokes aside, Canada is fucking awesome. Well, at least Vancouver is. I was anticipating my my trip would yield mucho fodder for tasteless jokes about dumb Canadians. Alas, it did not. America blows. Canada is way cooler than us. I feel sorta bad about every joke I’ve ever made at their expense (except that one up there…. it’s gold.) and you should too. So what, they say “ay” a lot and pronounce all words with the letter “o” in them sorta weird. Believe it or not hearing “aboot” instead of “about” and “sore-y” instead of “sorry” is actually sort of charming once you get used to it.

I wish I wasn’t from a country full of assholes who believe shit like this:
from Salon.com via Dave White

Huckabee: Amend Constitution for God

A month after Mitt Romney declared that “freedom requires religion,” Mike Huckabee is explaining his desire for constitutional amendments outlawing abortion and same-sex marriage in starkly religious terms.

At a campaign event in Michigan Monday night, Huckabee said that he supports such amendments because “it’s a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living God.”

“What we need to do,” he said, “is to amend the Constitution so it’s in God’s standards rather than trying to change God’s standards so it lines up with some contemporary view of how we treat each other and how we treat the family.”

The word of the living God?!!! Whoa. That’s a fucking mouth full.

What cracks me up most about organized religion, namely Christianity is it’s many, many, many contradictions. What I read when I read this is:

“The Christian right has worked waaaaay too long to brainwash our congregation. We can’t back pedal and openly admit that we are wrong and misinformed about alternative lifestyles. We run the risk of losing our massive following if we restructure/update our beliefs to encourage independent thought, compassion, acceptance of all people.”

Player of the Week:

tiger

Um, a tail? Really? Wow. This “furrie/plush” fetish shit is just getting to be too much. Does this dude think he’s fucking Tigger? Who said this was OK? I think we should amend the Constitution so it’s in line with Hater Tuesday standards rather than trying to change HT’s standards so it lines up with some contemporary view of how we treat each other and how we treat the family? If we don’t I might be forced to exercise my constitutional right to bear arms on the corner of 9th & Harrison.

Photobucket
Wait, I thought I was the Bay Area dream? There can’t be two of us. Your shirt is bedazzled and you do have one of those dookie gold plated chains from the back of XXL, so maybe you are THE Bay Area Dream. I’ve just been fooling myself this whole time. Damn.

Ladies & Gentlemen, It’s Hater Tuesday

Today’s post is postponed. My best friend had a baby. A fresh post will be here tomorrow am. Deal with it.

I was reminded yesterday how much I fucking hate this song. I hate Daniel Powter and his faggy voice and his gay ass hats. This kind of sappy bullshit sends me into fits of rage in the first sixteen bars.

I hated this song when Rihanna sang it and now I hate even more. Fucking acoustic renditions. I don’t know what’s worse, this broad’s version of this song or her whole shtick of covering popular songs acoustically on YouTube. Thanks to her there are about a million dumb beezies singing songs to computers hoping and waiting to be discovered. For example….

OK, so this isn’t a cover it’s a real dumb beezy singing a real terrible song. This shit drives me fucking insane. It’s so fucking sickly sweet. Her voice is so fucking average and the lyrics sound like something out of my 5th grade diary. But don’t worry the teen girls love it and there are a shit ton of shitty acoustic and homemade renditions on YouTube you can watch.

If I hear DJ Kahled shout “WE DA BEST” one more fucking time I’m going to murder someone.

So it’s not so much the song that I hate but the video. Don’t get me wrong the song is ass despite a (phoned in) feature from Kells. Hasn’t Rick Ross already made this video like 3 times already? I’m so, so, so over the whole wanna be Scarface/Miami kingpin vibe. Everyone wants to be a goddamn boss. If Rick Ross is hustlin’ so fucking much why the fuck is he speeding without a license? Who carries around $40K watches in the glove box to bribe cops with?

His marketing manager at Universal must be ready to shoot his/herself at this point. I can only imagine the what the discussion with Ross and his people about video concepts must be like:

Manager: So it’s time for another video guys. Got any concepts?
Ross: I’m a boss.
Manager: Um, yes. OK so, any ideas we can work with?
Ross: I’m a boss.
Manager: Yes, Mr. Ross, I am aware. We’ve got some talented up and coming directors who had some real interesting concepts for you to check out. We could do something cinematic or animated or….
Ross: Maaaaaan. Fuck all that. I’m a boss. Videos have boats, bitches, fast cars and views of Miami son.
DJ Kahled: Yeah! We Da Best!!
Manager: Ugh, OK, OK.

What songs did you hate in 2007?