BEP “My Humps” On the real, this song is the last mutherfucking straw. I’m calling a hip-hop jihad on these bitches. This is the worst song ever recorded ever. I don’t know who told them that the hook, “My hump, my humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps” was a good idea but whomever that person is needs to be hunted down and flogged publicly. I mean seriously people “my lovely lady lumps” ??? Bitch, please. I am so down for a good booty song (“Donkey, donkey everywhere…”) but this is like some playground cutesy bullshit that needs and must be stopped. We can’t have little girls walking around referring to their tits and ass as their “lovely lady lumps” I shoulda went down to Monster Park on Saturday and grabbed wack ass Fergie by that raggedy weaved in pony tail and beat her ass till she peed herself (again) for singing that crap. It just ain’t right. Not one little bit. I’m not even gonna waste time talking about how incredibly wack her “rapping” is or the blatant recycled Latin Freestyle sounds they are trying to sport as “original” these days. Young Jeezy might finally start getting a break from me now that I have this bullshit to contend with. Ya smell me?
Fixed Gear Bike Nerds – If you don’t live in an urban city like SF or NY you may be saying to yourself, “What the fuck is that?” and for that I am jealous. Unlike you lucky bucks, I am forced to deal with these arrogant fuckers all the damn time. Everywhere you look in this fucking city there is some jack-off on a fixed gear bike careening around a corner with his no brake having ass. It’s like,okay, okay I fucking get it. You have no breaks on your bike. You are so fucking hard. I see you with your goddamned one pant leg rolled up because you can’t be bothered with a fucking chain guard…no not you, Mr./Miss “I’m not a bike messenger – its about having total control of your bike” Bullshit. Get some damned breaks already. Your stupid ass is gonna get creamed and I am not going to feel sorry for you. I hope you have to get stitches and you end up on a damned razor scooter.
NYC Subway T Shirts – Sure the subway is cool. It’s fucking efficient and helps thousands of people get from one place to another on a daily basis – but does it need a T shirt? I think not. The most annoying thing is that I’d say about 95% of the people wearing those shirts are not even from NY. Maybe they went to NY once and rode the subway a handful of times – but do you really think they took the A or B deep into Brooklyn? Or the or the F out into Queens or the fucking 6 way to to the Bronx and the service was so awesome they decided to show pride by purchasing a T shirt? I think not. Also I am fairly certain that they have never stood on the platform waiting for the fucking train to come when its 99% humidity and it smells like assholes and dick cheese. Don’t misunderstand me – I am in no way a New Yorker – Im a Cali girl through and through but I have been to NY and used the subway and I’ve never, ever loved it so much that I felt the need to rock a T shirt. Just saying.
Exotic Erotic Ball
I think the wackness of this event is best explained via a pie graph.
Player(s)of the Week
The Bay Area is on some shit. For Real. Rappers in the East Bay are cut from a very special cloth that cannot be found anywhere else. That’s what makes the sounds of the Bay so damn live. Me and my Gurp City rap posse went to check out Federation at the SF Weekly Music Awards last week and were treated to the most hyphy ten minutes of our lives. If you ever have an opportunity to see Federation fucking do it. Don’t crip walk, go dumb and run onto the yellow bus as fast as you can. When you get there I can only hope that you are fortunate enough to see them rock gear like this – Doonie Baby, Goldie Gold, Mr. Stres and Rick Rock are my new rap heros. I mean seriously who the fuck do you know rocks a soft padded rugby helmet AND a bullet proof vest? We call the helmet the “Go Dumb Helmet” cause when Goldie Gold put it on this kid in the crowd he instantly went “dumb” his arms started buggin’ out and flayling all over the place. It was fucking magic. And the “I Got Grapes” shirt? Man, oh man. When I saw that thing I couldn’t help myself. I just started yelling “I GOT GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPES” as loud as I could. It became a mantra that I HAD to chant. That shirt is so obnoxious – it really can’t be fucked with. The only way it could get better is if it was airbrushed – but even so, I am not sure it could fuck with what Mr. Stres is rocking here. I am on a hunt for this shirt. If you see one, cop it and send it my way.
Big ups to Rez for providing the screen caps…if you want to catch some video of the most hyphy shit ever – click on the link over there that says LowRezPollution or click here you lazy fuck.