The White Edition -
Joss Stone – Gap White Jeans Campaign – “EEEEEhhhheeeeeewwwwwww-eeeeeeeehooooohooooooooo-AAAAAAHHHHHHHhhhhooooooo-wwwwwwaaaahhhhhhhhhh -The niiiiiiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhwwwwiiiighhhht tiiiiioooome, is the riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighhhht tiiiiooooooome” You’ve all heard it. You’ve all seen it. Why is it still happening? Joss sounds like someone is squeezing her into the smallest jeans ever while she sings this song. Her voice is too big and over worked – she needs to stop listening to Mary White, Beyonce and Aretha right now. I’d prefer if she sang in a whispy summery voice that would go more with white jeans. Instead she sings as if she is pushing out the biggest shit of her life into those tight white jeans. Also as ‘s hubby pointed out this weekend – “I have no problem with watching asses wriggle around in white jeans. In fact, I enjoy it, but what I do not enjoy is being tricked into watching under 18 year old asses in white jeans wiggle and writhe. That’s not fair” Well said my friend, well said.
iPods Let me preface this by saying I love my iPod. When we first got together I was so sprung. We were inseparable. I couldn’t think about leaving the house with out him. We’ve been together now for 2 years, this Christmas will be our 3rd anniversary. But, things have been different lately. He only wants to play for like an hour and then he goes to sleep without telling me. He is showing decreased interest in our relationship, sometimes shutting down completely and not coming back on for hours. I did some research and it turns out he never intended to be with me forever – he is only capable of being totally committed for a year. I suppose I am lucky he has stayed with me this long, but I mean, why should I have to pay to continue our relationship? A hundred bucks? Just to get my battery changed? Are you fucking kidding me? You can take your white ear buds and shove them up your ass Steve Jobs. I’m pissed. That little machine cost my mom like $400 bucks and just 2 years later I have to shell out another $100 bucks to keep this thing bumpin? Fuckers.
Cameron Diaz in Trippin’ I watched this show for the first time last night. Cameron Diaz, Justin Timberlake,Jimmy Fallon and Talib Kweli were “Trippin” in Tanzania, Africa. All I could think while watching was, “Poor Talib Kweli” there he was, stuck in the Serengeti with three of the whitest people ever. (Don’t get me wrong, I love white people. Some of my best friends are white people. Heck, my dad is a white person.) They are driving around, riding in hot air balloons and visiting places like Gong Rock – where ancient African civilizations from the area used to gather and make acoustic music using just this big hollow rock thing. When you pound it with other rocks it makes a wide variety of tones that are used to harmonize with voices and shit. Pretty dope actually….that is until Jimmy Fallon plugs in his iPod to one of those portable speaker docking stations and starts blasting “Africa” by Toto…cause yeah, you guessed it they are in AFRICA!!! They pan quickly over to Talib Kweli’s face while Justin, Jimmy and Cameron all prance around like assholes yelling “I guess it raaaains down in Affffriicaaaaaaaaah” the look on his face was priceless. You could physically see him straining not to roll his eyes or make the “pffvvvtttt fucking white people” face. I wish he would have.
****Oh and don’t try to comment with some bullshit about how Cameron Diaz is of Latin decent. Sure her Dad is Cuban, but she has done little to nothing to support her Cuban heritage other than acknowledge that her Dad is in fact Cuban and that is why she is on the 100 Hottest Latinas or whatever. Bitch is white. JT is more Latina than she is.
PLAYER OF THE WEEK:
Hay baby, do you. Just do you. Don’t you worry about what nobody says about nuthin’. You’re the star in that relationship, we all know this. We know that Nick is hot and like totally supportive but he can’t keep you down. You’re young, beautiful, white, blonde, a talented singer and now actress – spread those wings and fly girl, fly like a bird, you’ve got to fly away, you don’t know where you’re home is……you’ve got to know where you’re soul is. If I were you my soul would be in Johnny Knoxville’s pants too…but not Fred Durst’s pants, cause his pants are dirty and his cock is small.