Archive for November, 2004


LADIES AND GENTLEMAN IT’S HATER TUESDAY

There are a lot of crazy bitches in this world but few are as crazy as Mariah Carey. She is one looney muther, her insanity never ceases to amaze me. It’s almost like she lives in an alternate wacky world where people can demand baskets of puppies and solid gold bathtubs as if they were ordering a few extra packets of ketchup at the drive thru…oh wait, she does live there. Maybe that is where this picture was taken and maybe there they told her it was okay to take it in the first place…I can almost hear her commentary…

“I want something cute and sexy….I want to show my body but I want to be doing something normal and regular like, sitting on the toliet. It’s so human. Look at me I look so cute on the toliet. Let’s take a few here on my $15,000 antique porcelian bowl” – yes i realize this is most likely photoshopped but i don’t care.

And now there is The Emancipation of Mimi the new album from the ever crazy and hi pitched voice box of Mariah…er, I mean Mimi. I guess Mariah isn’t cutting it anymore and since donning your new “nickname” publicly is so hot she had to get on the boat. I mean Janet named her album Damita Jo, Jennifer Lopez had JLo, Madonna thinks its okay to be called Esther, Pink calls herself Pink, why shouldn’t she be Mimi? I was curious so I did some research and this is what I found on her website. You should really go there and poke around because the entire thing is amazingly bonkers and I am shocked that a manager and a record label would let her operate on such levels of lunacy.

“Mimi is a very personal nickname only used by those closest to me… just one of those little things that I’ve kept for myself in an attempt to have some delineation between a public persona and a private life,” Carey explains on her Web site.

“I am letting my guard down and inviting my fans to be that much closer to me… Most importantly, I am celebrating the fact that I’ve grown into a person and artist who no longer feels imprisoned by my insecurities or compelled to try and live up to someone else’s vision of ‘Mariah Carey.’ I now feel I can honestly say ‘this is me, the real me, take it or leave it.’”

If this is the real you, Mariah you can keep it, cause you are fucking crazy. Who wears a fucking wedding dress to a birthday party? ARE YOU HIGH?

Click here to hear psychotic messages from Mariah on her website. I guess they let her call in somewhere and rant to her fans about how much she loves them. They archive them shits and then let the fans play them back to hear what is on Mariah’s mind. They all play like a fucked up message your drunken auntie Flo would leave around what she thinks is Christmas time.

Click here to learn more about Mariahisms…yes I said Mariahisms. In case you don’t speak Mariah but always wanted to.

And of course wherever there is a crazy diva there is an even crazier drag queen who wants to be said crazy diva….

in other forms of hate….

Hey ya’ll I bought me a little dog like Paris has…Does my hair look pretty? I SAID, DOES MY HAIR LOOK PRETTY!

daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn, this bitch is ugly. i mean u-g-l-y she ain’t go no alibi she ulgy. it’s p diddy’s mom too….dang….

AMA’S

The AMA’s were last night….blah….I didn’t watch because they are annoying and useless. I only like the fashion and that is why things like Getty Images and Lime Light exist so why waste 4 hours of my life watching that shit unfold? Here are my comments on last night’s attire…Also Gwen Stefani had her record release party last night as well, a pal of mine went and promised to take pictures to that I could have something to make fun of this week. Let’s hope he comes through!

who is this drag queen with eva langoria? i thought she was datin JC Chasez? Oh wait maybe that is JC?

never let them see you sweat, alisha…botox them pits if you gatta…

hey, you, you up there….did you see my sweaty pits?

dang even her tits are sweaty….

wait, get your hands off me, they love me, they really love me, suger pie, smile, for the camera….sugerrrrr piiiieeee

seriously, someone get her out of here, ashanti is ready for her close up…

that is some pimp rock star shit…when you can have your label pay for 6 japanese models plus hair, make up and costumes that is pretty much means your dope.

THE STARS VOTE TOO!

I threw up a little bit in my mouth this morning when I turned on the TV and read “Kerry concedes”

In honor of Election Day I would do something a little special to keep our minds of our pending doom under the watchful eyes of the Bushiburton Administration. We all know that more celebrities than ever have come out in support of their preferred candidate this election and have been very vocal about encouraging others to vote. Since we couldn’t be there when they actually cast their star powered votes, I thought it might be fun to peek inside the heads of our favorite skanks to see what they were most likely thinking when they were in the booths.

PDiddy:

Man, I should have got my mohawk on, everyone knows I mean business when I rock the mohawk, Nah, nah, Diddy you look fly peep the shirt with the slogan you made, I made up vote or die, I MADE IT UP! I made mill…err inspired millions of young hip hoppers … Now, let’s cast this vote….President, yeah Imma go wit Kerry….*pause looks around* well no one can see me in here, Bush does look out for peeps with fat banks like I gots, shiiiiit, I gots to go with my man who keeps them taxes down woot.. woot!

Tara Reid

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaawd voting is sooooooo boring. Who told me that Ben Affleck was going to be here? Was it you? You’re not Ben Affleck! This is the dumbest party ever? OOOOOhhhh I wonder if they have cocktails in those little booths. *enters booth looks around* Is this coat check? Where is the bar? These napkins are loooong and why is there so much writing on them….Hhhhaaahaaa this one says Bush. I shaved mine cause I thought Ben Affleck was going to be here. Where is my cocktail? Waiter????? MERRRY CHRITHMAS!!!!!!!!!
*funkybizzah’s note* and I thought she had turned a new leaf in exchange for a new life.

Britney Spears

“Hey baby, look at me on this magazine…don’t i look pretty? Ya’ll think that if Kerry becomes president that he will take away airbrushing and photoshop? What Baby? Voting was yesterday? Aww dang…ya’ll want to go and get some MacDonalds, they got that Monopoly game going on that’s like voting right?”

Ashlee Simpson

This ballot is so long…why are there so many pages? I thought we were just voting for president? I wonder if I need to stay in here the whole time? Will someone come and get me when voting time is done? Am I suppose to mark this myself or does someone do it for me….DADDDDY???? Hmm, I wonder who Jessica voted for. I think I’ll just vote Bush, he loves Jesus, my dad loves Jesus and Jesus blessed me with my voice so….also Bush is a funny word…It’s fun to say…Bush…hehehehehe…..DADDDDDY??

Paris Hilton

Vote or Die? Um duh, I’d rather die. I don’t have to vote because I am a bazillionaire and it really doesn’t matter who is president for me cause I am like totally loaded. I mean unless they start draping those tacky voter booths with Chanel brocade or start giving out gift bags at voter registration I am so not showing up. The only reason I am wearing this shirt is because P. Diddy gave it to me and he is like so totally hot and he has the best parties.