Hater Tuesday

Sometimes, I worry that I’ll run out of inspiration for this site. Then miracles like this fall into my lap and remind me why I starting doing this in the first place.

You absolutely need a closer look so before we go on, please click HERE for a larger version!

OK here we go.

#1 - Lots of funny jokes were mad about Paris’s third grade penmanship, but if this isn’t certified serial killer handwriting then, I don’t know what is.

#2 - I found this little doozy taped to a pole right outside my local Whole Foods. The “To the customer I slighted at Whole Foods” coupled with “Dear Lady” immediately got my attention. After all I am a lady and everyone knows I have beef with that damn deli counter and their inability to make a damn sandwich the way I order it.

#3 - DEMONIC ATTACK? F’reals? Dang, I didn’t know that was even on the list of excuses we can use for being an asshole. Seriously, that is one excuse you really can’t debate. Just try and call bullshit on that one. Are you really, really down to fuck with the devil? Who are you to question his choice of victims? This poor dude has been dealing with “demonic attacks” for God knows how long (word on the street is God keeps tabs on that sort of shit.) I am so putting “demonic attack” in the excuse file. That absolutely trumps shit like “i was pissed off at some other shit” or “man, i as so drunk, i don’t remember.” You could even use that one to call in sick, it’s going to be my new “um yeah, i’ve got uncontrollable diahrrea”

#4 - I like how dude is so sincerely sorry and then stings at the end with a thinker. Is he trying to threaten the “lady” into forgiving him by gently reminding her that God can be a motherfucker come Judgement Day? Or is it a simple plea for forgiveness so that he can appear before God and sail through despite all his bouts with the demons?

#5 - All this talk of demons sorta makes me miss Wesley Willis. God Bless his nutty self.

#6 - Keith Savage. Wow, what a name. It’s too bad he’s subject to demonic attacks, with a name like that he’s destined for a career in hair metal or porn. Or both. Oh well.

It’s All Star Week here in SF which means my neighborhood is crawling with baseball enthusiasts who are generally fucking shit up and making it next to impossible to get lunch, take a walk or do anything outside my office. The only upside is all the awesome parties.

I managed to swass my way into a private All Star Weekend kick off party at Giant’s ballpark on Saturday and let me tell you those dudes know how to throw a party. There was food and booze around literally every corner. At one point I was carrying a Bud Light, a glass of chardonnay and a Cuervo shaker full to the brim with margarita. They even had a freakin’ ice luge for Jager shots!

I wanted to go all Gurp City on that bitch, but I let the responsible Funkybitch take over. Besides there was so much free gurp, sucking on a ice luge seemed both crass and unnecessary. A girl has got to draw the line somewhere.

It really was one of the better parties I’ve been to so GO GIANTS! With that said I really would not be doing my job if I didn’t post this video of the TERRIBLE “go-go dancers” they had on hand. Seriously, these hoes are not only dressed wack but they can’t dance for shit. They shoulda got some hoes from the Lusty to come down and shake a tail feather.

Player of the Week:
Nick Starvingforcock of Big Brother

Remember when we talked about all that LGBTQIQ business a few weeks ago? Were you confused? Not amused by the frank discussion of “questioning” and why it’s a total pile of bullshit? Wondering what the fuck Gay for Pay meant? Well — here you go my friends, a super main stream example. By the way, it’s my opinion that dude is G-A-Y. I don’t know about you but none of my “straight” male friends have ever “given a guy a blow job once.” In fact, I’m fairy positive that if you “blow a guy” and admit it on national TV, you are probably fucking gay. Wave the flag, Mary; we all see you flying it!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 11th, 2007 at 8:26 am and is filed under Hater Tuesday. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.