Hater Tuesday

Fergie Flosses Candies:
Hello? Hello? Is this thing on? OK, just checking, cause I’ve been saying Fergie is a talentless man face for like a bazillion years. Suddenly, every blogger in the universe seems to be up in arms about Fergie using her “songs” to shill Candies shoes. It’s as if she was previously known as someone with integrity. She’s wack, she’s always been wack. Now she will be getting paid to sell wack shoes to teen hoes. They’ve got this thing called C-Tube featuring Fergie over at Candies.com. I suppose it’s mean to be short for Candies TV but I think you and I both know what the “C” really stands for. For those of you who are a little slow, it rhymes with “hunt.”

Perez Hilton: Why the long face Perez? Being spotted by the paparazzi out at dinner with an actual real life celeb! Isn’t that like Celeblogger heaven? Jewel is all smiles and nice nice and you are all stink face too cool for school? If you are going to be the Queen of All Media you better get your game face on playa. You also might want to find some bigger names to have dinner with besides Jewel. Just saying….

Everyone Else Seeing Famous People I Want To See: I travel a decent amount. I go to places like LA and NY semi-frequently for business. Each time I go, I hope to run into someone really good and famous that I can make fun of here or that I otherwise admire for whatever reason. Especially when I go to LA. Each and every time I come home a little disappointed. I always run into famous people but it’s usually someone dumb like Ryan Seacrest or some washed up soap star who’s name I can’t remember. My girl Michelle heads down to LA with no intentions or hopes of seeing anyone famous and runs into Suge mutherfucking Knight at some cheesy western themed bar on the strip in the middle of the day. Why can’t I run into Suge? Or Tara Reid? Or Fergie? WTF? Anyhoo here’s a picture of Michelle with Suge. Dude’s a little sweaty, but then again he’s the size of Bigfoot and LA is sorta hot in the summer.

iPhone: Those ibusters at Apple tricked my mom into buying an iPhone. They told her it came with magical fairies that can compose emails from her thoughts and hand deliver them complete with explosions of pink glitter to their intended destinations. She also mumbled something about Steve Jobs promising her an unicorn and a docking “rainbow” but the box looked kinda small so I’m leaning towards a big nay-no on that one. It’s a shame that non of those things came with it because for $600 it better be pretty fucking special. I fucked around with it for a while and I have to say I’m not impressed. Here are reasons why it sucks:

1. It’s fucking slippery. Admittedly, I’m a clutz. Let’s be real though; people drop phones. A lot. This one is all sleek and glass and polished metal and shit. I’m positive it will shatter into roughly 600 iPieces if it hits a hard surface like concrete.

2. “But it’s got YouTube!” - Uh OK. Why do I give a fuck about watching Dramatic Hamster on my fucking phone? Not me. Sure I think Unforgiveable #2 is hilarious but I don’t need access to it in my pocket. Wait, maybe I do.

3. “But it’s an iPod AND a phone” - OK, fair enough. Can I buy songs directly from iTunes? No. No you can’t, yet.Um OK so when I can do I have to buy a new iPhone - yeah probably.

4. “But, it’s so easy to use!” - Actually it’s not that easy. Sure all that touch screen shit is fancy but the virtual keyboard is super sensitive so if you have FF fingers you are basically fucked. I spent like 10 minutes typing in my contact info cause I kept having to delete and re-enter shit. Then just like Apple’s fucked up Address book - it neglected to save the info.

5. “Where does the battery go?” - Ya’ll remember the first iPod and the whole battery replacement scam? Well, I’m not convinced iPhone isn’t going to have the same problem. I’ve got a perfectly good iPod at home that has been rendered useless because it cannot be charged anymore. Only way to get it fixed is to send it back or take it to the Apple store and drop it off for a few days. I don’t know about you but dropping off my phone for a few days is not an option.

Player of the Week:

Is it just me or is Helena Bonham Carter looking more and more like Miss Crabtree from South Park?

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007 at 4:39 pm and is filed under Hater Tuesday. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.