Hater Tuesday

Brooke Hogan:
I fucking told you she was a merle. Seriously, do you need more proof? In case you don’t know Brookie here is know to have one of the “best tucks in the game” Since this display last week, Miami is experiencing a bit of “Tuck-a-Mania.” My sources say these photos have both dance professionals and “street professionals” up in arms about her the startling absence of nude “dance tights” which traditionally protect one’s eyes from possibly catching a glimpse of dancer parts mid performance but more commonly aid some TS & TV to achieve the “perfect tuck” therefore boosting track appeal. The TS & TV communities are scrambling to analyze these pics for indications of how Brooke “tucks.”

This Lilly Allen Video: I am like the only person on the plant that doesn’t like Lilly Allen. I get why people do - she’s cute, she’s sings fun catchy melodies with lyrics that are goofy and familiar, therfore inciting feelings of happiness and unexpected levity in listeners filling them with unexpected delight. That shit doesn’t work on me. There is an icy piece of coal where my heart should be. I don’t like a lot of happy go lucky shit. I mean I’m no harpie, I just like things with a bit more edge. Her shtick is just too sweet for me. She’s like peanut brittle. A bite is good but a whole chunk is just uncalled for. This video in combination with the song is just too fucking much. I see it and I get filled with rage as opposed to those warm nice feelings other people get. The rage factor is intensified by the fact that if you replace all the weed mentions to “eating chips” or “cookies”, rewrite that last verse about fitted caps out for something about “internet” or “movies” and changed the Alfie part to my brother’s name (that also starts with an “A”, btw), you’d pretty much be listening to a song about my brother. Sad part is Im not sure if Im more pissed because Lily Allen feels my pain or because my brother is not in college which is driving me crazy and making me feel an untoothsome kinship to Miss. Giant Forehead herself (come on those bangs are there for a reason)

Reading Letters I Wish I’d Wrote- Jesus Martinez of Drunken Stepfather is a witty Mexican, and by “witty Mexican” I mean “most likely a clever white dude who likes Mexicans or Mexican food, namely tacos and therefore feels he is part of the culture. I bet his real name is like John Miller or something very generic Anglo. Anyhoo, I don’t really give a fuck what his name is or if he’s Mexican because this is the internet and that shit doesn’t matter. If I can google “unicorns fucking” and come up on this then dude can be Jesus Martinez. More importantly, dude is funny and has a website to prove it. He talks about boobs, porn, celebrity whores, regular whores and shit like that. He wrote a letter to Kim Stewart as a response to her um “demo song.” I really liked what he had to say, especially the part about “that fucker wronged you by being diseased and incapable of processing your booze, forcing you to make irrational decisions…” That shit was gold. Gold!

PLAYERS OF THE WEEK:

Hipster Bitches Unaware They Are Too Old For Trends
These pictures speak for themselves. Thanks to my Partners in Hate SergDun& Brandon B for pointing out these asswipes.

Too Old For Tight Jeans & Vans

Them Hoodies Are For Young Cats Son!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 8th, 2007 at 1:42 pm and is filed under Hater Tuesday. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.