Hater Tuesday

sprained ankles: a sprain is like the most annoying injury ever. it hurts like fuck but you can’t do shit about it except complain and put ice on it. it’s also just a painful reminder that you are uncoordinated and can’t be trusted to walk around like a normal person. i now fear stairs and any patches of ground that are uneven. i can’t wait to live somewhere that doesn’t have stairs at a 45 degree angle.

colt 45: holy fuck this is a terrible beverage. i had the unfortunate opportunity to drink one this weekend and all i could say was, “this shit is terrible” over and over again. i drank the whole thing but i DID NOT enjoy it.

people who are surprised by steve erwin’s death: he fucking wrestled and man handled alligators for a living people! he picked up snakes like they were wayward dirty socks that fell out the laundry bin. it was only a matter of time before dude got chomped. sure a stingray is sorta obscure but that’s what he gets for being a showboaty asshole underwater. fuck with the bulls and you get the horns.

Player of the Week
the sting ray that merked steve erwin: You know he is swiming around down there like he’s king of the fucking sea with a smug ass look on his face. his gills are all super flared cause he’s a fucking bad ass now. stingrays rarely sting people but this guy took the opportunity to make it count. he could stung any asshole who was diving around and poking under rocks and but no, he saw steve erwin and decided “fuck this guy watch me go” he took the extra gangsta step and merked him in the chest too - he could have just stabbed his leg or something but fuck no, he had to go chest so as to let anyone forget how bad ass the stingrays are. ever.