Drippy Cups:
I fucking love coffee. It’s delicious. It’s caffeinated and I like that sorta thing from a beverage. What I don’t love is a goddamn drippy coffee lid. What causes this? Why does it happen? Someone told me once that if you put the open part of the lid opposite of the seam on the cup it won’t drip. I’ve concluded that is a bullshit theory because for the last two days I’ve had a drippy cup. I even made an effort to apply said theory to the lid. Although, I am convinced my lid was faulty because I got the coffee from Starbucks. And Starbucks is a bunch of dicks (except for that nice lady who knows my name and remembers I like my afternoon coffee cold.) My local coffee shop Moto Java is closed ’cause the lovely couple who run it are on a vacation of some sort. All I know is my coffee cup NEVER drips when I get it from MotoJava. Never. Maria please come home early so I can have delicious dripless coffee please! Please!
Holier Than Thou Disabled:
This one is gonna piss some people off , but I don’t give a fuck. Here’s the thing…just because you are disabled doesn’t mean you rule the universe. Yeah I said it. Just because you can’t walk and you can only get around via a Lil’ Rascal scooter does not give you license to block entrances, barrel around corners and generally be rude in public spaces. The woman pictured here was one of the ruddest shoppers I’ve encountered at Whole Foods in a while. She had her Lil Rascal all terrain vehicle lodged right in the middle of the freaking entrance. She was digging around in her basket for some shit completely oblivious to anyone around her. We had to walk all the way around the flower department just to grab a basket. But don’t worry cause as soon as we approached her general area she scowled at us and then started up her scooter and made me think to myself “She’s coming right for us!” She almost ran us over about 4 more times during our 15 minute shopping trip. She got in line right behind us and scowled at me again as if I should have asked if she wanted to go first. She pushed her scooter so close to my feet I was afraid of losing my balance and falling into her lap. As we were leaving she sped past us and cut us off so she could get out the door first. Isaac and I looked at each other like “Who does she think she is?”
SNL Ironic Raps I think I am the only person on the planet who did not think that the whole “Red Vines + Mr. Pibb” bullshit wasn’t funny at all. I thought it was annoying. Real Annoying. With capital leters and a period. So when I saw this whole Natalie Portman Rap I was even more annoyed. Yeah I understand why it’s funny. It’s Natalie Portman. Rapping. Rapping about being hard and shit when she’s like a little waify Harvard chick. I see the irony but it’s just dumb to me. I find Natalie Portman wierd looking. Her face bothers me. Her acting bothers me more. Her voice is the ultimate in annoying. I could never see her again and that would be too soon. Portman coupled with Parnell’s whole “look I’m white…and I’m rapping…isn’t that CRAAAAAAAAAAAAZY?” schtick sends me into a fit of rage. Just let it go Parnell. Do it for me. Do it for hip-hop. If you really, really like hip-hop just let it go. Stop fucking it up.
The New Fence:Someone put up this new fence around the Bank of America parking lot and it’s fucking my shit up. Every day we go for afternoon coffee, we usually walk through that parking lot, sometimes hit the ATM and then proceed to Starbucks (its the closest place for coffee down here.) Now we gotta walk all the way around. FUCK THAT FENCE.
PLAYER OF THE WEEK:
The honors this week go to the dude I saw washing his hands in a rain puddle yesterday. Oh and don’t worry cause he WAS NOT homeless. He was some hispanic dude who decided that before getting into his car he needed to reach down scoop up some dirty ass rain puddle water from the middle of the street and give his hands a nice wash. What I want to know is what the fuck was on his hands that needed to be washed off so bad that a rain puddle was a suitable place to wash up. Dirty ass stagnant rain water filled with god knows what is NOT cool to wash your hands with. I don’t give a fuck what’s on your hands. That is just nasty.
BTW….my new phone finally arrived. All of the photos on this page were taken with my phone. It’s freaking awesome.
March 7th, 2006 at 6:41 pm
if i got some java and that shit was leaking on my tee or anypart of my fit..i would probably yell at the mutha fuckas who got gave it to me…and leace the rap to da emcees…H T I..yall know tha name…holla
March 7th, 2006 at 7:05 pm
anyone who gets mad at you for complaining about that lil rascal bitch is a pussy.
and i’m sooooo envious of your new phone. my camera phone looks like shit. how am i supposed to take photos of a proximal hot guy if its just gonna be all blurry and the size of a tic tac box? fuck that shit. i’m gonna start shopping. . . . .
oh, and i didn’t like the natalie portman rap either. i did however, like the red vines and Pibb rap. natalie just looks like 80’s circa winona ryder. get your own look bitch.
March 7th, 2006 at 7:15 pm
sammy - you feel me. you feel me.
mle - i know that feeling with the jank camera phone. my old phone was just like yours on the photo tip. remember my jank shit. fuck. oh and good point on portman.
March 7th, 2006 at 7:43 pm
Don’t hate me….I love the Natalie Portman skit. :)
And yes, there are some handicapped people with BAD ATTITUDES. I don’t think you’re going to hell by admitting that. Me either!
March 7th, 2006 at 9:06 pm
… you know my feelings about Ms. Hortman.
March 7th, 2006 at 10:27 pm
oh my god, how did you ever get the balls to take a picture of that weirdoid disabled lady? i would never have even fathomed; not only is she in a motorized wheelchair but she’s scary looking.
March 7th, 2006 at 10:28 pm
oh… and p.s. the 415 is the most wrong place for this lady. it’s called a FLAT terrain bitch. deal with it.
March 7th, 2006 at 10:32 pm
The Lonely Island boys are funny, but their SNL crap is severly hindered by Lorne. Besides, irony is such a fucking comedic crutch.
March 7th, 2006 at 10:32 pm
WERD MUVUGGIN WERD! Goddamn hipsters and their ironic rapping. Ha fuckin HA bitch. I’d given them the benefit of the doubt on Lazy Sunday, viewing it charitably as a knock on sensitive indie rappers. Then the more I read all the guffaws from all over the web, all the trading, the t-shirts . . .
I just entered the room as the Portman rap was over. I was wondering when the SNL crew were going to try and strike comedy GOLD AGAIN with their HEE HEE LARIOUS rapping. So, what did I miss, was she wearing a fat gold rope and a Fila track suit? Was she jackin’ fools in the McDonalds drive through, threatening to stab them with a bony elbow if they didn’t give up the large fries?
March 7th, 2006 at 10:34 pm
http://www.thelonelyisland.com/bingbong.html
Proof that the Lonely Island boys are funny.
March 8th, 2006 at 8:38 am
yeah….if you want chris and i will take that fence down…we have nothing better to do.
March 8th, 2006 at 9:10 am
Portman + Brittney need to do a lawn-mowwing video. That’s a pay-per-view classis in the making.
March 8th, 2006 at 10:17 am
I so hear you on the drippy coffee cup. Here at work we have this fucking awesome cafe and they have the best coffee, but the lids fucking suck! The damn thing drips at the seam every time. I tried that turning the mouth part away from the seam thing, but that didn’t work. It just dripped on the outside of my hand instead of the inside. I cannot tell you how many times I have gotten coffee on my nice clean work clothes!
March 8th, 2006 at 10:26 am
STOP TRYIN TO STOP HIP HOP!!!
tell me what phone you got guurl. I want that acidy spitl. I neeeed that. I could uuuuuuuuuse that!
March 8th, 2006 at 10:52 am
dana - i hope i am not striking a chord here because lord knows i love and appreciate your readership but i am gonna go out on a limb here and assume that in general you don’t listen to hip hop. im sure you know who eminem and 50 cent are but in general it’s not your bag really. which means it’s okay if you think the portman thing is funny. and yes bad attituded are not cool. rude is rude. dont be rude.
mandy - HORTMAN!
farrah j - it’s kinda hard out here for a pimp. i had to do it. i had to be done. if three 6 mafia can perform on the oscars with interperative pimp dancing then i can sneak a photograph of a crazy mean lady in a chair. i was empowered.
adam - i love you. you are my brother but you are wrong. plain and simple. stop embracing the white side of yourself and see the light. also you don’t know shit about hip hop. i watched your evidence and did not laugh. let’s stick to our respective roles. you know sci fi, horror and westerns. i know hip hop. im glad lorne hinders them. i hope he continues to do so.
mantooth - peep the link on the words Natalie Portman….you can watch the video for yourself. it will throw you into a fit of rage.
ted - illegal activites you engage in on your own time are in no way endorsed or encouraged by me. at all. especially activities that take place on the corner of Bluxome and 4th in SF.
cockzilla - you just made me throw up in my mouth.
andrea - fuck a drippy lid.
me - here is a picture of the phone i have on last week’s HT. peep it.
p.s. uh. whoa. way to put my personal life on blast all on the comments. smooth. real smooth. it’s called an email or a phone call. try it sometime. i am so editing your shit.
March 8th, 2006 at 11:28 am
You want funny rap…. MC Chris.
March 8th, 2006 at 11:32 am
That was live like 1985. Good to see Licensed to Ill is still the only rap album some people have ever listened to.
March 8th, 2006 at 1:27 pm
Oh come on….Portman and Brittney pulling a power breakfast makes your panties stickier than the pages of my 89′ Hustler. You know you really wish you were playing quimby in the Portman/Spears superfuck.
March 8th, 2006 at 1:40 pm
mantoof - see i knew you would feel me.
cockzilla - i had to delete your last sentence cause it made me ill. also. no. never.
March 8th, 2006 at 2:14 pm
I’m too jelly of your new phone…only one month away…
starfucks…whatever they got me for awhile having soy at any location even in the cuts of the deep south but lately on road trips when I am forced to drink their shit I find it to be weak…If I’m going corporate I choose Peete’s…it packs more of a punch
Whoa ol’ gurl in the motoscooter rollin with a tude…hey at least she’s trying to eat healthy?…I think that whole paycheck should widen their isles anyways…I hate bumpin butts with granolas and yuppies when I’m trying to get my shop on…shit as much as you pay for groceries there should be rotating shelves and you just have to stand in one place
natalie portman…a better stripper than a rapper
washing your hands in a frisco puddle,…maybe he was jesus and was washing his hands in the sins of the city so we can all be redeemed?
March 8th, 2006 at 2:58 pm
censorship in the land of hate? The Portman/Spears double-team must have touched a nerve. A little donut bumpin’ between friends got you a little rattled? Did the causal dyke blowout lose it popularity now that sex in the city is cancelled?
Buffy- I think you are right. Puddle washer is the second coming of Jebus!!! I’m going out to commit a few good sins right now!!! Top of my list - Mopery.
March 8th, 2006 at 3:09 pm
I hate you b/c I used to think that my camera phone was sweet.
I love you because you understand what it’s like to hate hanicapped people with fucking attitudes. I used to work at the Berkeley bowl. Sometimes it got real painful. Why do some disabled people bust into supermarkets like they got something to prove. Why don’t they take that shit to the coliseum, or the park, or even the theatre. Anyways, if someone wants to accuse you of being insensitive and “hating on disabled people” they can refer to November 15th’s “Players of the Week” Just saying.
Adam- Listen to your big sister, she knows what she’s talking about.
March 14th, 2006 at 6:23 pm
hey folks i fucked up and deleted like 8 comments that i didn’t mean to delete. i’m not mad at anyone i’m just retarded and deleted shit on accident.
my bad.
March 20th, 2006 at 7:55 pm
I know this post is old, but I was in Target the other day and realized you need to toss some hate at those fat, freakin’ diabetics who troll around stores in those motorized carts, acting like the world owes them a frigging living just because they couldn’t put down the donut.
March 25th, 2006 at 3:17 pm
After reading this hating we realized how much of an injustice is being brought upon our immediate community. The drippy cup (dripidious coffeecupus) fucking sucks. It seems no matter how much you try to keep the drip from coming it always keeps going.
But the drippy cup is not the injustice I am speaking of; the drip is inevitable. This wrong that is being commited comes from that of Muddy Waters, where leaky lids are more than just a chance occurance. Apparently it is not bad enough that they sell Rosemary Rice Pudding, but Muddy Waters is truly insulting its javaholics. It’s not just that each cup served holds in it the lie of safety and comfort but Muddy Waters should be called Molten Lava. THE COFFEE IS TOO FUCKING HOT.
Do we not remember the lawsuits against the golden arches for negligent barista-age? Just because we are walking on our two feet (and not in cars) are we responsible for our own pains?
Muddy Waters, to you we scream SABOTAGE!
April 11th, 2006 at 6:09 pm
rosita….i feel you
team lazy - i fucking feel you.