Jamesons and Budwisers, It’s Mutherfucking Hater Tuesday!
Verizon Wireless: I ordered a new cellphone last week on Valentine’s Day. That shit was supposed to arrive overnight. Why do I still not have my phone? I called those bitches 3 times last week, waited on hold for upwards of 30 minutes each time only to be told “We’ve been having some issues fulfilling all our orders due to an unprecidented response to our recent promotions.” Finally yesterday I get someone with a brain on the phone and they inform me that “There seems to be some problem with your credit card” to which I responded “IT’S A GOLD CARD BITCH! RUN THAT SHIT AGAIN” and lo and behold it was vaild. It’s a fucking gold card, no shit. Turns out the dipshits who enter the order data transposed some numbers and no one could get it together to holler at me to rectify the problem. So now a full week later I am waiting for my new shit. Meanwhile my phone continues to turn itself off mid phone call, call unsuspecting parties and generally act up when it needs to be doing it’s job. I’m not feeling the customer service right now. Not at all.
Dog Stroller Bitches: This shit is real folks. I saw this bitch in Union Square about a month ago and completely lost it. Thank god my girl Jessica was with me to photograph it. I could barely keep it together long enough to ask permisson. The real disturbing shit is that this was NOT the first dog stroller I’ve seen in SF. In the last 2 months, I’ve seen 3 dog strollers and 3 dogs being carried in fucking baby Snugli. Seriously do we need fucking strollers for dogs? That’s obviously wack right? How insane/indifferent/dilusional do you have to be to rationalize pushing your fucking dog around in one of these things? It’s bad enough that there are dumb bitches refusing to make thier children walk around, now these bitches are refusing to let thier fucking dogs walk? A dog should be walked. Period. If your dog can’t handle a day out shopping, maybe you shouldn’t bring the fucking thing? All I know is I fucking dare one of these bitches to get in my way with a fucking dog stroller. I will not be shy about how I feel. I’ll give both of them a reason not to be walking.
Flying Stand By: Remember when motherfuckers were too fucking scared to fly after 911? Airports were a dream back then. Sure the security checkpoints were a bitch and carrying weed cross country was totally out of the question, but I never had a problem getting a seat on a plane. I flew twice last week and both trips were completely fucked. The most fucked trip was the flight I took out of Oakland on stand-by status. I spent 6 fucking hours waiting to get a seat on a flight that would have me in the air a grand total of 1 hour and 40 minutes. The return portion of that trip was equally fucked. America West had ya girl stranded mid-leg in the Pheonix airport just waiting to get on her flight back to the Bay. Let it be known that’s the main reason ya’ll didn’t get hate last week. The second trip I took was also delayed on both ends and I bought that ticket full price. So what I really want to know is where are all these mutherfuckers coming from? Why so many people flying now? How come these damn planes can’t keep to a mutherfucking schedule? A boss like myself has schedules to keep and I can’t have bitchmade Southwest or US Airways fucking up my couch like that.
Player of the Week:
Player of the Week goes to ol’ boy who bought my tits a drink in the Oakland airport last weekend. I think his name was Carlos. Poor Carlos was in his late 40s, early 50s and was bored as shit. His flight had been delayed for about as long as mine was so he was posted up in the bar drowning his stress in Hefewisen. I sat down next to him fucking livid after blowing up on the tiny female ticket agent who was the third person to tell me that I was not getting a seat on the third flight I was attempting to board. As I sat down and sighed, Carlos took a minute to ask “Delayed?” and then stared directly down my shirt and asked “Can I buy you a drink?” Bieng the cheap bitch that I am I said “Sure, that would be lovely” while thinking “Hell yeah beers are $7 and Jameson is $9…Did he just talk to my tits?” Carlos proceeded to tell me/us all about his failed marriage ( his wife left him for her boss, ouch!) and his three kids who he was en route to visit. Ol’ boy busted out cell phone and regular pictures for me to peep all the while he kept the booze flowing. He bought me and my boobs (he didn’t stop staring at them the whole time) 3 beers and topped it all off by throwing a 10 spot to the bartender so as to make sure “this pretty lady gets a shot of Patron in her.” Carlos completed my sleezy airport bar experience by asking to “take me out to see Modesto” sometime. Yes, Modesto. I felt so bad for mooching, I almost gave him my real phone number. Almost. Play on player, play on.
A special shot out goes to New York on Flava of Love. Ya girl dropped the gem of a quote this week, while blubbering about her true love for Flav she uttered, “I’m not gonna share my man with another girl….a big girl at that!” in reference to Goldie, who had won Flav’s affections for the night. To New York I say this… Never underestimate a big girl, she will snatch up yo’ man in a heart beat. Sometimes a man wants to sit back and let momma drive…and let’s face it little bitches always get lost.
btw if you are still sleeping on Flava of Love, let me give you a reason to tune the fuck in. New York is crazy as a mutherfucker and will cut a bitch…she’s definately grown on me. I still think she looks like Janice from Dr. Teeth’s Muppet Band tho…
February 28th, 2006 at 5:08 pm
duuuude… i saw that shit downtown chico and i thought to myself, you gave birth to a weiner dog? fuckin lame asses.
February 28th, 2006 at 5:18 pm
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February 28th, 2006 at 5:54 pm
I currently breeding a line of uber-dogs specifically targeted to eat stroller dogs and their pussy-ass bitch owners. First off - Fuck kids. I don’t want none of them fucking with my selfish, hedonistic lifestyle. I love my dog but I would never subject the beast to the public humiliation of being carted around in a fucking stroller.
Verizon - I wish I could dislocated the company’s jaw and give them balls and all. They need to choke on it!
February 28th, 2006 at 6:38 pm
Fuck I wish I had cable….that shit was fucked up!!! I could watch that again and again and again….I did-BTW I had a fucked up dream about you and yer teeth and Hater Tuesday last night and yer post was all about this awesome sex you had with some dude that had really long dreds-and there was a picture of you and your teeth were blingin in hi-fi-it was great! I have a chihuahua and I would slit my own wrists before I put him in a stroller-if the little fucker can’t walk I’m makin’ tacos-ya dig? And if I ever see one round where I’m from (Vancouver,B.C.) I’ll slit the doggy mama’s wrists right after I shove her tacos (made from stroller dog) down her throat. Some things are sick and then some things are SICK….ya know?
February 28th, 2006 at 6:49 pm
FUCK those bitches at verizon…ooh tell me how u like the phone…that is the model I am looking to upgrade in april when my contract is up
Strollers for dogs? WTF…man I would have to get the jumbo plus for my brown dog
oh shit I was actually watching the MUPPET SHOW the other day and Janice was on and I thought of New York first thing…. I think Pumpkin is busted and Hoops is the cutest but fuck New York is a fighter… I think she might get her man
February 28th, 2006 at 7:18 pm
Oh My God. I have to start watching Flava Of Love. I’m about to set it on TiVo. Right now. Seriously, bye.
February 28th, 2006 at 7:23 pm
Oh wait. I was in such a hurry that I forgot to mention, akspiring actress. AKSPIRING? That is new and I love it.
Thank you.
February 28th, 2006 at 7:27 pm
fuck, do they make those stroller’s in grown human size? I’m gonna sit in one, and attach it to Young Gus, he can stroller me all around SF.
After watching that episode of flava, Sophia and i found a new appreciation for New York. I hated her until I saw how AWFUL her mother is. Now I just feel sorry for her. But the best part of that clip is the look on Pumkin’s face when she is running away from New York, she is SCURRED!
February 28th, 2006 at 7:32 pm
Zills - see the thing is you have a legit dog. a nice big lab who acts dog like and knows how to walk. you are also not bitchmade so you would never ever consider making things “easier” for your dog. i mean just look at how you treated Reyna all those years.
Crystal - That’s really funny that you had that dream because IT TOTALLY HAPPENED. Oh wait no it didn’t. I don’t fuck with dreads those shits get in the way of all the hot lovin’ — but let it be known I recently had awesome sex and when it was all said and done I realized I had no idea where my gold ones were. I freaked out but then they were found safe and sound nestled in a near by pile of clothes. I popped them shits right back in my face and said “Round 2?”
Buffy - I will mos def tell you how the phone works out. Enterprising young women like ourselves need to have the most up to date technology we can. Also if you have the same phone I know I can always cop some juice off yo’ shit.
Micheal - Flava of Love is serious. Get on it.
February 28th, 2006 at 7:34 pm
mle - FOR REALS. I totally switched my view of her after seeing her mom and what a cunt she is. No wonder NY is fucking bonkers. I hope she does get Flav and I hope they get married just to fuck up her mom’s couch. Also worrrrd up on Pumpkin’s busted ass face as she runs away realizing that you never, ever, ever fuck with a black girl’s hair.
February 28th, 2006 at 11:04 pm
“that bitch breath stank…it smells like shit. it smells like a toilet full of some nasty ass shit!”
man, when new york puts her hand over her face like she’s gonna gag from the smell of that girls breath- whoah, i was dying!!
March 1st, 2006 at 9:11 am
It’s not just the bay that got bitches walking around with their tiny little excuses for dogs encaged in a stroller. I seen that shit here in Philly too. I was actually down on Kelly Drive and saw some bitch riding a bike with her little shit dog being pulled along in a doggy trailer. Shit is NATION wide!
And I gotta tell you I was hungover hard core on Sunday and all I did was watch episode after episode of Flava of Love! New York’s moms is fucked up. She straight called her fat right in front of Flav! And I soooo wanted her to beat the shit outta Pumpkin after girl spit on her. I don’t care how pissed you are, you DO NOT spit on a bitch.
And was it just me or did Hoops moms want a peice of Flav?
March 1st, 2006 at 10:37 am
ha! whoop that bitch’s ass, janice-lookalike!
nah. nither of them cna fight. spitting & pushing? psh! playground shit.
March 1st, 2006 at 10:48 am
oy. i mean’t *can.
March 1st, 2006 at 10:58 am
First time reader…this was some funny ass shit!
March 1st, 2006 at 11:17 am
Vacamerle’n- That’s one of my favorite parts too. When she smells her hand and offers it up to Flav to smell. I couldn’t stop laughing.
Andrea - man this stroller shit needs to stop. i think i am going to start a nationwide movement to combat this bullshit. and man you gotta love VH1 for the marathons on sundays…when you are hung over all you need is bullshit tv and a gatorade. and mos def hoopz mom was trying to get some Flava of her own…sorta creepy.
saltygirl - that was some playground shit…but on the real i think new york would went full scrapa on pumpkin if she wasn’t on tv. i know she can hit a bitch. i loved when she was aksing flav permission to go and cut a bitch.
kim - glad you like it.
March 1st, 2006 at 11:25 am
Lydia-
You said it, Mrs Hoopz creeped me out! If that were my moms, id be having issues.
And yeah, on sundays just give me my couch, a large as lemon lime gatorade, a remote control and something to throw at the cat when he starts to piss me off and I’m too lazy to get up to stop him from doing whatever he’s doing that’s pissing me off.
March 1st, 2006 at 12:43 pm
I blame you totally for several lost hours this weekend. Totally before you wrote this, I saw that VH1 was doing a Flavor of Love marathon, and I tuned in for two hours. I would have watched the whole damn thing, but I didn’t think it was right to watch it in front of my two year old, and I was too ashamed to tivo the whole thing. :( I did, however, tivo the LAST one they showed, where he meets their parents - New York’s mom cracks me up. When Pumpkin SPIT in New York’s face, though, now THAT was some TV.
My favorite quote from what I saw was some skank saying “He’s an intellectual; that’s my thing. He’s so wise, he’s clearly speaking from a higher power.”
Um, are they seeing the same man I’m seeing? He wears GIANT CLOCKS.
When he took that girl to Red Lobster and we had to see him eat, I almost threw up.
I figure they have one episode left, so of course now I have to watch it.
Again, I blame you.
March 1st, 2006 at 1:47 pm
New York would have tore Pumkin up, cept that she wanted her CLOCK! She was afraid that if she came down on Pumkin that Flav wouldn’t have given her the CLOCK. that part wasn’t in the clip, but it was one of the best parts in the show, i thought.
March 1st, 2006 at 1:57 pm
And I mean for reals on the cell phone customer service. I think they must be gettin’ serviced instead of workin, okaaaay? Who’s a bitch gotta sleep with to get some help?
March 1st, 2006 at 3:51 pm
dana - im glad i am responsible for your demise. it let’s me know im doing a good job.
also that quote is one of my favorites. i used it in my hater tuesday mesh column.
mle - i know man. i know. i want my clock! dude you know them shits are gonna show up on ebay. maybe i should preemptively make fake ones and start clockin scrilla. no pun intended.
babylove - i FINALLY got that shit today. now i just gotta figure how to use this bitch…man
and evidently offering to sleep with people to get shit done just doesn’t work anymore i wore a low cut shirt in hopes of getting seated on my stand by flights and that shit didnt work…BUT it got me cocktails…so maybe it does work…hmm.
March 1st, 2006 at 11:55 pm
Your new phone = way better than this piece of shit sidekick. I know 2 people that have it. Fuck you.(a lil’ hate for the hater)
Dog strollers = another reason why I want to be reincarnated as a dog.
Carlos = me in 5 years except 2 less beers no patron shot
Flavor of Love = Hoops is fine but looks like a tranny sometimes.(That does’nt sound right but you know what I mean).
Pumpkin is a thuggin’ for spittin’ in New Yorks mouth but looks like a dope head sandy duncan. New York is fuckin nuts but got some DSL’s like it’s nobobys biz. Last but not least FLAV is a my hero.
STRANGE!!!!!
March 2nd, 2006 at 9:34 am
A. I went to cingular to get a new phone. I had to sign in. I had to wait a half an hour. Then, They were “Out” of my phone. WTF? Cellular companies are demonic.
B. I love when VH1 replayed pumpkin spitting on New York and then new york pushing her into the camera, over and over. That shit is like crack.
March 2nd, 2006 at 11:28 am
Concizzz -
a. My phone is pretty dope. I like it. Your sidekick is on some punk shit. Boss the fuck up!
b. Life as a dog ain’t that tight, ask Fay.
c. I hate to say it but Boss the fuck up you ain’t gettin no looks at these without at least 3 beers and a Patron shot.
d. You know you love trannies, don’t front. Pumpkin in addition to looking like a Dope Head Sandy Duncan (whoooo…good one dude) also bears striking resemblance to Lucy from the Trailor Park Boys (observed by Leanna) NY is a crazy ass biiiiiiiitch but I like her now — DSL, well that’s your area of expertiese not mine. I have no D for SLin’
Lolly - Fuck Cingular. “Out” what the fuck does that mean? Oh and yes the replay, it’s magical. Like RKelly.
March 2nd, 2006 at 11:37 am
Don’t fly America West anymore. They suckety-suck-suck. Two times I’ve flown it. Once, I got delayed in an airport where everyone was bitching on a phone to someone at their destination that “this always happens on America West”. Which, apparently, it does. The second time, I was in the air when the pilot came on to tell us that they had lost some instrument or another that they use to land, but not to worry, because they can land another way, and that we would be landing at the nearest airport, so the next 45 minutes I thought maybe I was dead.
I like Southwest. It’s a cattle call, but at least they know their shit. And they jump on assholes who try to get up before the seat belt light goes off.
March 2nd, 2006 at 7:18 pm
Imma have to give Thug E Fresh his own corner on HT cause dude keeps coming through with priceless gems that enrich and diversify the hate up on this bitch.
looks like Hoopz ain’t as innocent as she play…peep game….
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March 3rd, 2006 at 9:30 am
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