Beckys and Steves It’s Mutherfucking Hater Tuesday!
Public Cell Phone Conversations:
This one goes out to my coworker and sometimes boss Big I. We rarely agree on things, but this one we def see eye to eye on. Here’s the thing. We all get calls on the celly. That’s what they are for - your people need to get at you. ‘Nuff said. However this does not mean that you should be taking or placing calls whenever and wherever you want. Not everyone wants or needs to hear the details of your weekend, your wack date, your pending business dealings, your fight with your man or your mom or you on the phone with your bank. That’s why there is a button to silence and send them bitches to voicemail on the side of your phone. I cannot express to you in words the level of annoyance I experience when I am forced to overhear things like “And then he was all, ‘I swear I’ll be home by 9′, but he didn’t come home, like at all….CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?” while I am sitting on the bus. Or the innane “So what do you want for dinner? Chicken? Pasta? No, I hate meatloaf….hmmm, I sorta feel like fajitas too…Nah, we have milk” that goes down way more often than it needs too in the middle of isle 7 at the market. Sort that shit out BEFORE you get in the store. Also if you MUST make the call don’t do it standing in front of the freezers with the doors open and your cart all askew in the middle of the isle blocking traffic, you might as well be a stroller bitch. If one more person gives me that bullshitty point to the phone with that “oh darn sorry about that” look face and two centimeter half assed move of the cart, they are gonna get shanked right there in front of the frozen peas.
Flavor of Love:
This shit breaks my heart. You guys remember when PE was the dopest shit you ever heard and Flava Flav was like craziest hype man you ever saw and you didn’t know he smoked crack and fathered like 160 kids with various hoodrats from coast to coast? Man. I wish I could go back in time and replace that feeling with the feeling I currently have when I watch this piece of shit show. Surreal Life and Strange Love weren’t enough? Did we need Flavor of Love? It hurts me to watch dude play himself so blatantly. The bitches on the show are the only ones playing themselves harder than Flav. These hoes are caught on film saying all sorts of bullshit like, “He’s an intellectual and that’s my thing” or “He’s one of those people that is connected to a higher power. He’s inspirational” Bitch please. We know you just want bread and cred shine. Deep down I like to think Flav knows this shit is wack, but he’s like “lemme get some trim up outta this.” 2006 is the year of the hustle, so I can’t hate a player for attempting to get his. I know we all need paper and some tail. But fuck man, there has got to be a better way to go about it.
On a related note, one of the skanks, New York is fucking crazy. She’s up there in that video. She is really off her rocker, talking about how she is “in love” with Flav and how Flav is “her man.” She actually made out with Flav on camera for about 8 minutes. They were the grossest 8 minutes on television. And another thing, she’s always carrying a purse around. Why? She is on a reality TV show cooped up in a mansion with everything provided for her. No need for money or a wallet or keys or a cell phone (they took those away). Why the fuck does she need a purse? She ain’t going no where or doing shit without VH1 cameras. I want to know what the fuck is in that bag. It could be just full of make up cause that bitch really cakes it on. She bears a striking resemblance to Janice from Dr. Teeth’s band on the Muppets. I wish I had a better comparison pic but that video is all I could find — you be the judge. Post a pic of New York in the comments if you find one!
New Bay Rap Shows:
Let me begin by saying I love me some turf raps. I really do. It’s a great time to live in the Bay. There is so much good music poppin’ off it’s retarded. I got out like a mutherfucker and support my scene , well I try to. The problem is fools don’t know how to act. Damn near every time I go out to a show in some cutty spot, shit gets broke up early cause someone gets stabbed or shot or punched or some sort of dumb shit happens that keeps the party from crackin’ properly. Why can’t we all just go dumb, get hyphy and ride the yellow bus safely? I just want to see some good rap music. Is that too much to ask? Additionally, I find it hi-lar-ious that most of the spots these shows are at demand, “No hats, no tennis shoes, no baggy jeans, no white tees.” What’s next “no stunnahs, no gold ones?” I understand the concept of encouraging an upscale audience as a means to deter violence, but let’s face it a thug in a collared shirt, is still a thug. That grown man fit ain’t stoppin’ no one from squabbin’. What we really need to do is learn how to control our damn tempers. Mistah F.A.B. has provided us with a little mantra that we should all take to heart and put on repeat prior to getting up in the club, “be cool, you don’ wan’ no squab….be cool, if you don’ wan’ no pro’lems” Learn it. Love it. Live it.
PLAYERS OF THE WEEK:
D4L Betcha Can’t Do It Like Me
I didn’t think it could get any worse than Laffy Taffy but evidently I am wrong. This is the worst song ever made. Ever. I know I have said that before but I fucking mean it this time. At least they named the song appropriately. I am absolutely positive that I can’t do it like D4L. In fact, I pride myself on never being able to do to it anywhere near how D4L do it. This song doesn’t even have a beat. I hear the guys “rapping” but I have no idea what the fuck they are talking about. It’s like listening to a group of insane homeless men ranting aloud on the corner while a cat and a toddler play tug of war with a Casio keyboard. For real, Wesley Willis on his most schizophrenic day made more sense lyrically than what’s happening here. I looked up the lyrics online and I am still confused. And I know rap music. I am well versed in the slang and vernacular. Honestly, I can’t even begin to wrap my head around how D4L got signed, released a record and are currently being supported on a major label. I’d give my left tit to be a fly on the wall during the initial A&R meeting and the meetings where they chose these singles. I haven’t heard the entire album but if these are the best of the bunch, you couldn’t pay me to listen to the rest of the record. I’m going to have to take it easier on BEP at least they know how to write a song (even if they are bad ones.)
January 31st, 2006 at 4:11 pm
Lookit!
http://www.coudal.com/shhh.php
You can dl the PDF and print out the stickers. I dare you to slap that on someone’s forehead next time you on BART.
January 31st, 2006 at 6:31 pm
2 assholes came into my peruvian resterant (I eat there enough. I will call it mine) and out of the whole place pick the table next to mine to sit at. As soon as ass meets chair the first guys phone is ringing. I flag the waitress and get the check. Asshole #2’s PDA rings with the the crapiest, flowery, midi ring tone I have ever been forced to listen to and HE LETS IT RING. he is not sipping water or gnawing on bread, he just likes the sound. The third time thru he answers and proceeds to yell about how he won’t make it from Stamford to Manhatan in time for dinner but that the called should keep their phone on and he will call back.
I go back to work because it is better than listening to this poor asshole yell in my “happy place”.
Why do pepole always have to shit in my cherrios?
I am feelin’ this one for real.
January 31st, 2006 at 7:29 pm
Sheeeeiiiiit. I’m not sure if the falll from grace is worse or the fact that the shows he’s on get enough viewers to have gone on like this. Do so many people really get their kicks watching a crackhead that half of them don’t even remember from back in the day make an ass of himself?
I love how he was still wearing that damn clock, though.
January 31st, 2006 at 8:47 pm
Public cell phone conversations bite… that’s what textin is for fools…I can’t stand the energy suckers talking on their cells like they are speaking to their grandma in the nursing home
Flavor Flav them pants dude and matching hat…I think I made those on an acid trip when I was a traveling hippy seamstress spare changing with crackheads…glad you kept them
as for New York…that bitch is crazzzzzy…and clumsy too didn’t she fall when she was stripping..even flav couldn’t stop laughing bout dat
NO YOU DIDN’T….that is a great picture of Janice and yes she and new york are long lost twins …new york is the evil one
January 31st, 2006 at 10:57 pm
Ok, stop deviating and show us pics of your new and improved teeth!
January 31st, 2006 at 11:32 pm
yo that atlanta shit is mainy as fuck. i was in davis and everyone was doing that shoulder shake D4L does to keak and shit. i was running around doing whatever white kids to feel like they’re going dumb, and these cats are over there doing the fuckin shake. maybe im just mad, cause for real i can’t do that shit like them.
February 1st, 2006 at 12:19 am
ummm. lord facials made me laugh so hard i forgot what i was gonna say. that davis show was mainey. but next time someone’s on the phone, just act like you’re listening to their every word.
February 1st, 2006 at 7:37 am
now theres a fancy coincidence, i just wrote about how i hate it when people hate cell phones/loud cell phone conversations.
http://www.threequestionmarks.com/blog/2006/01/oh-my-god-stephanie-had-retarded-baby.html
weird.
doo doo doo doo — doo doo doo doo.
February 1st, 2006 at 10:18 am
dipper - it is common undisputed knowledge that if you eat somewhere often enough you do in fact become the owner of said establishment. for example i own whole foods and the moto java cafe. therefore since you are the owner you have the right to cut and or slap a bitch who disturbs your meal. know this.
mujah - while i appreciate your comments you and i both know you are too young to speak on the glory and wonder that was PE. i am pleased however that you have done your musical homework. no get off line and get my brother a job.
cythen - dog. teeth have been displayed. check the site news for a look at my flossy ass boss’d up teefus.
lord facials - on the real you have been killing me lately. maybe its cause its the year of the hustle and you are finally embracing that shit…all i know is you keep dropping one, two sentence gems that make me belly laugh. the image in my head of you attempting to do that chopped and screwed “harlem shake” is almost too much to handle. but dont you worry about not being able to do the shake…you have three dance styles all your own that no one can take away from you. my personal favorite is the “lord facials gig” no one can do it like you, not d4l, not atlanta, not them woodland/davis kids. no one. it’s yours rellie.
mle - you feel me on facials im sure. i can tell by your response. just last night i was on the bus and some ghetto ass hoodrat got on the next to empty bus and proceeded to yell at the top of her lungs on her phone to someone about “spoiling the birthday party” just as i was about to start shooting daggers with my eyes the bus driver stopped the bus and said on the loud speaker “LADY RIGHT NOW YOU ARE RUINING THE BUS PARTY” and then he demanded she get off the phone or get off his bus. It was sweet, sweet justice.
merkley???- well, well i like to be fancy and i love a good coincidence…imma have to read your shit see what you have to say. poop.
February 1st, 2006 at 10:20 am
buffy - i almost forgot you. how could i. i KNOW you know what’s up with that crazy ass New York girl. i totally forgot how she fell when she was shadow stripping. that shit was priceless. and after looking at a picture of janice i could not stop laughing she looks JUST like that bitch. thanks for helping me work out my HT bit live in person the other night. when you laughed on my couch i knew it was good.
February 1st, 2006 at 2:07 pm
“don’t do it standing in front of the freezers with the doors open”
but girl doors open is the only way i roll!!!
February 1st, 2006 at 3:56 pm
bderka - i’d expect nothing less from you dunny.
February 1st, 2006 at 4:50 pm
try having the phone convo with the the rudypoo next to you. odds are they’ll leave, get off the phone, or you’ll have a new friend.
give flava a break. like you said, its the year of the hustle. just cuz that hand to breast move was smooth as silk doesn’t mean we all have to be jealous.
February 1st, 2006 at 9:22 pm
hooollllyyy damn… you will smile and nothing will compare…
February 2nd, 2006 at 12:21 pm
abp - i want no new friends especially loud cell phone talkers. you are a sensative man abp — someone has to have love for flav right.
cythen - and you know this, maaaaan.
February 2nd, 2006 at 4:36 pm
D4L: you continue to top yourself, that shite was funny
February 7th, 2006 at 3:40 pm
“let’s face it a thug in a collared shirt, is still a thug”
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