Donner, Blitzen, Dasher….It’s Mutherfucking Hater Tuesday!
Basically I don’t fucking like Christmas. I think it’s bullshit and unnecessary. I like having work off and I like getting drunk in the day time because of that fact but that’s about it. I don’t even give a shit about presents. I mean don’t get me wrong I like getting shit but that just means I have to buy gifts too. Fuuuuuuck that. I’ll buy you a present when I want to buy you a present not because you got me one and if I don’t I’m a dick. I don’t play like that. Here are some other things about Christmas that piss me off.
Christmas Music: There is nothing on this earth I hate more than Christmas music (not even tomatoes!!)
I cannot and do not stand for any playing of Christmas music anywhere in my vicinity. When I go Christmas shopping, I wear my iPod to keep the evil jingling bells out of my precious ears ( it also helps with keeping screaming ass kids, annoying sales teens and whiny stroller bitches out of my ears, but that’s another rant all together) The problem with Christmas music is all the fucking “spirit” and “cheer” and “good tidings” and other romantic imagery like snowy nights, stockings full of fucking candy and whatever the fuck, gingerbread men, the fat man on the sled and all the magical plum fairies. I don’t believe in any of that shit. It’s not even real. There is no fucking Santa. I know that shit, so why do I have to pretend that there is? Why must I get “in the spirit of the season?” And don’t you even think about saying “what about the kids?” Fuck the kids. I don’t have any. It’s not my problem. Christmas music insults my intelligence, I fucking know it’s Christmas time and I don’t need to hear a song about it to remind me. I don’t even like the anti-Christmas music. You know the “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” bullshit. Fuck all that crap too. Trust me when I say I have heard every Christmas song every recorded. I’m not even joking. My dad is a fucking record nerd. He went through a phase where he specialized in Christmas music. At one point in my childhood my dad had something like 7 complete days worth of non-stop Christmas music that he had recorded from vinyl onto 1/4 reel to reel tape (cause he was all analog like that). That shit would start in the morning and not stop until he got drunk or too stoned in the afternoon and decided it was time for a little Hank Williams. It was worse than living in a mall. Lucky for my brother, he was a little too young to really experience the full effect, but I’m sure when he reads this he will laugh and comment in agreement.
Christmas Shopping: Shopping during the holidays is damn painful. You have to navigate the mall, through the throngs of stroller bitches and old people just to vie for attention from a less than helpful teen in charge at whatever fucking store you end up in. If it’s not a pimply-faced, voice-crackly teen, it’s a bitter middle aged person who is pissed that they had to take this shitty seasonal job at “Things Remembered” or “Candles Forever” just so they can buy their ungrateful brats that new XBox 360 they keep bitching about. The whole experience leaves me empty and angry. Buying shit to prove to loved ones how much we care is the most retarded concept ever. How about ditching all that time in the mall and just calling your peoples and spending some QT? How about that? Why should I have to send a basket full of Bath & Body Works lotions to my aunties who I never, ever talk to just because it’s fucking Christmas? Again fuuuuuuck that.
Christmas Tree: Who started this lame tradition? Why do I need a massive dead tree in my house covered with sparkly shit? It just sits there and does nothing. Each year my brother and I battle my mom on the legitimacy of a Christmas tree. He and I are like “whatever that tree” and she is all “but it’s Chrissssmaaaaaaas” It’s pretty simple to us why it’s retarded but here are just a sampling of the lame points she brings up about the legitimacy of the ol’ X-mas tree and how we sass her about them.
Mom: “But it makes the house smell so nice!”
US: Sure it may make the house smell a little piney, but hey so do those little tree air fresheners you can get for the whip. We could cop one of those.
Mom: “Where do you put the presents then?”
US: “Oh you mean the cash and the 10 pack of socks? Put that shit right here in my lap”
Mom: “But it just doesn’t feel like Christmas with out it!”
US: “No shit. That’s the point. Fuck that tree”
Mom: “What about just a small one?”
US: “Whatever if you want to show your midget pride go for it, you know the cats are just gonna fuck that shit up anyway”
Mom: “You know if we don’t have a tree, how is Santa gonna know to stop here”
US: “You set up like 4 nativity scenes every year and to our knowledge Jesus has never stopped here so yeah, whatever with Santa.”
It’s usually something along the lines of our last bitchy comments that really gets her goat and forces her to use her “angry voice” and throw us the look of death while she snaps “You guys are sooo bad! Why are you so nasty” We usually feel bad for about 30 seconds and then we laugh and impersonate her behind her back. It’s what we do.
PLAYER(S) OF THE WEEK:
Salvation Army Bell Ringers
I have to give it up to these fools. This has got to be the shittiest way to donate your time (or do community service) fucking ever. You stand on a corner or in front of a Safeway for fucking hours on end ringing a damn bell to remind people to put their change in the big red bucket. It’s got to be the most humiliating 4 hours of one’s life ever. There is no way to look cool while ringing that bell and rocking that apron. If there is by all means I want to see it. Who knows maybe there is some rugged cat out in the ‘Field who is rocklng an air-brushed tee and bell that looks like an upside down pimp cup. That would be dope.
December 6th, 2005 at 4:41 pm
fuck that tree… i HATE that shit.
the tree is the worst part.
yeah, i want a dead tree in my house sitting in a pot of water collecting moss and bugs. sure, put that dead thing in my window… and make sure to cover it with sparkles because i’m just going to throw it in the dumpster the week after santa brings me nothing.
i don’t even have a chiminey.
fuck christmas and the whooplah that goes along with it.
just give me eggnog with lots of rum, a warm blanket, all my friends laying on the floor, and good records playing on my sansui.
that is right.
December 6th, 2005 at 4:57 pm
OH SHIT I FORGOT TO HATE ON CHRISTMAS FLAVORED BEVERAGES!
I really, really, really don’t like egg nog, mulled wine, peppermint mochas, egg nog lattes or any of that shit.
I’ll take a fucking glass of Jameson thank you very much. If we must drink something holiday-ish pour a little hot water in that Jameson and add a twist of lemon - Hot Toddy.
That’s it.
Everything else is garbage and just trying to make me vomit instead of get wasted.
But I will lay on your rug ad listen to yo tunes (as long as it isn’t Death Cab 4 Christmas) and tell you how much I don’t hate you or your Sansui.
December 6th, 2005 at 5:07 pm
Hot toddies good, nog bad. I definately have gotten my gurp on with some mulled wine, go ahead, call me sentimental, I dare you…..
A christmas accessory that encourages intimate interaction can’t be all that bad ( except when it’s your uncle’s gross roomate) No mention of mistletoe? Dang! That shit is my steez! Except I’m not allowed to use tongue anymore……
December 6th, 2005 at 5:15 pm
im whatever with mistletoe that some playground bullshit –”oh look mistletoe!” that shit is poisonous why do i want to kiss someone under it. also i dont want to trick people into kissing me. i do it the old fashioned way - booze and charm….gets em every time.
December 6th, 2005 at 5:48 pm
oh girl, don’t even get me started on the fact those annoying jingles start BEFORE thanksgiving now!! i mean let us breath in between the damned holidaze. i’ve been over trees for a long time now. like to look at them but don’t want to waste my money on them and all the ornaments. that money could be buying me mo’ booze on my next outing.
gosh, i thought i was the only one who was annoyed at buying ALL those presents. i mean i’d rather buy myself what i want then get some more lemon scented bath oil. i’m not a wood floor nor do i care to smell like one. let me buy what i need and not deal with all those fools. i like the ipod trick. i will be trying that.
yeah most holiday foods are waaaay too sweet…i must say i am a sucker for the gingerbread cookies. but last time i checked altoids were better than candy canes…
December 6th, 2005 at 5:53 pm
jesus hates you.
December 6th, 2005 at 5:53 pm
doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-
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oooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!!!!
pass the motherfuckin egg nog.
i get lydias.
December 6th, 2005 at 5:55 pm
i only like mistletoe on belt buckles, and i LOVE pumpkin spice flavored shit- bread, muffins, coffee even. egg nog is goopy and wrong. fuck the rest tho, and fuck all you fuckers that call me grinch because i don’t celebrate cristmas, especially my dad, who used to threaten to take it away because we aren’t even christian, and i was always naughty
December 6th, 2005 at 6:45 pm
little miss p - yes, yes and yes fuck a christmas shopping iPods were invented for tuning fools out. i put mine on even if the battery is dead to deter people on the bus from talking to me. but i am an asshole.
farrahj- i would not be talking about jesus if i were you. if its anyone jesus hates its def you..i mean you are muslim which means you blew up america and killed the baby jesus and god and the bible. but luckily you have a great rack and that makes up for everything.
merks - dude you can have all my egg nog. all of it. i want no part of it.
mle - dude mistletoe belt buckles! seriously that shit will make us millions. millions i say. damn. damn. damn. im gonna figure out how to market that shit to-fucking-night.
erryone - i suppose it could be said that holiday treats and appreciation of said treats depends on the palate. my palate is the only one that counts tho so whatever with yo gingerbread candy cane, sugar plum, fruit cake, egg nog latte, christmas spice coffee and all that other shit.
December 6th, 2005 at 7:12 pm
I don’t do xmas either I’m a recovering hippy that still celebrates solstice…you don’t have to buy gifts you just honor mother earth, the sun, moon that kinda shit then get gurpd and blazed…but I love pumpkin stuff my pumpkin log will make you cream…egg nog is like drinking milky snot what a waste of brandy…hey mle how can I get one of those mistletoe belt buckles?
December 6th, 2005 at 7:32 pm
i fucking HATE when people spring gifts on me at the last second…..then their like “b-uh but wheres mine???” thats when i writeh their name on the wrapping paper and hand it to them…..
that just makes me realllllly angry.
December 6th, 2005 at 8:40 pm
IT JUST FUCKING HAPPENED
WHAT THE SHIT.
December 6th, 2005 at 9:25 pm
hey asshole, you forgot to mention the charlie brown xmas special. that shit is good.
OR SO I THOUGHT
i just watched it and want to kill myself. what a depressed little prick he was.
December 6th, 2005 at 10:20 pm
I’m so uncool. I love Christmas. Not afraid to say it. :)
Got married two days after Christmas and the church was still all decorated and it was gorgeous. My dress was even green and gold (second marriage - first dress was white).
We do use a fake tree, since I’d probably die of some kind of allergy if we got a real one, but I love decorating it and seeing how it looks in the living room. We’ve never done outside lights, but my daughter wants them this year, so we’re putting some up outside her window so she can see them before she goes to bed.
I will agree with “fuck holiday shopping” because I do 90% of my shopping online or through a mail order catalog. Haven’t been to a mall in years for Christmas shopping. I also don’t like the bell ringers, as it makes me want to scream to hear the bell just ring ring ringing all the time. I wonder if they issue ear plugs to their ringers so they don’t all lose their minds? I’ll also say that the “holiday season” starts WAY too early - like before Thanksgiving is even over, which is ridiculous. All I need is two good weeks of Christmas, maybe three, and I’m good. I don’t need six whole weeks.
Oh, and I kind of love Christmas carols too.
I stand alone in my un-hipness. :)
December 6th, 2005 at 10:27 pm
Because it’s nice to be a Jew on Christmas
You don’t have to deal with the season at all..
You don’t have to be on your best behavior, or give to charity
You don’t have to go to grandma’s house with your alcoholic family..
And I don’t have to sit on some fake Santa’s lap
And have him breathe his stinky breath on me!
That’s right! You’re a Jew, a stylin’ Jew..
It’s a good time, to be Hebrew.. on Christmas.
amen.
December 7th, 2005 at 3:41 am
I think this is a pretty cool Salvation Army bell ringer.
December 7th, 2005 at 3:44 am
Fucking hell, html doesn’t work on here.
http://x1b.xanga.com/a3184b600023120662017/z14780158.jpg
Copy and paste, since this comment shit is whack.
I fucking hate Christmas.
December 7th, 2005 at 6:18 am
But your still ugly.
December 7th, 2005 at 9:39 am
buffy - soulstice? dang. that’s taking it back. i celebrated that on mushrooms once when i was 17 and it was fucking trippy duuuude.
my ninja - fuck those people who spring gifts all last minute. i call them gift baiters. they wiggle a gift on you in hopes of scoring one too. if not they just want to score your guilt. fuck those guys in the ear.
farrahj- listen asshole i don’t watch cartoons some of us are better than that…um also, i watched a part of Garfield the movie with the voice of Bill Murray - um, yeah. No.
dana - you have kids. those kids are clouding your hate of christmas. wait until they get older and you are burnt on the cheer the season brings…some of this will ring true then. until that time - you are free to enjoy the season. i guess.
hippy - let’s hear if for that jew!
mujah - that link worked stop yer bitchin’ also nice photoshop work…but he doesn’t look cool. he just looks a little crazy. but thats better than looking like fruity fruit.
um - dude awesome burn.
December 7th, 2005 at 9:40 am
First off- Salvation Army bell ringers are just working off their DUI community service. These bitches is no different. That change jar goes to payin off their fines.
Secondly - Christmas is the only time it’s acceptable to fuck elves and nap up your pubes with tree sap. What’s wrong with you people? Sure, hate on the capitalist needle-dicks and gift-giving turd gulpers all you want, but I’m going to fuck me sleigh full of sappy-pubed elves while a fat Norweigan man in a red suit whacks off on a won ton. And what a delicious won ton that will be for some little keebler bitch-boy. You would be surprised what those little mouths can do. I’ve never had so many tiny hickeys on my sap covered nut-bag, I love Christmas.
December 7th, 2005 at 9:45 am
bah hum bug!!! I’m with ya sista.
December 7th, 2005 at 10:30 am
Hi Lydia,
I just wanted to say this is the the best fucking website EVER.
Neshani
December 7th, 2005 at 10:46 am
I JUST LEFT A REALLY WITTY AND SASSY THING AND THE STUPID COMPUTER ATE IT!!!
The general gyst was that I promise not to get you anything this christmas, unless that thing is a hug, or a shot, or a limited-time-only breakdance-sleeping impersonation, or perhaps a rare but well-rehearsed Wang Press Rap performance.
December 7th, 2005 at 12:33 pm
l-dog
don’t sleep on the holiday flavord coffee mate, shit is delicious!
i’m not too into xmas music eifer, but pb wolf just did a xmas mix on the stones throw site that you might be able to tolerate, i mean tolerhate.
December 7th, 2005 at 1:30 pm
aye jeezy - NO CHRISTMAS MUSIC EVER, FUCKING EVER. I MEAN IT
December 7th, 2005 at 1:42 pm
Trees are for forests, presents are for birthdays, and Christmas music is all garbage…but there are two Christmas songs I just can’t front on: RUN-DMC’s “Christmas in Hollis” (I know, no need to diss), and of course King Diamond’s “No Presents for Christmas,” a Christmas song fit for a hater:
Christmas time is here again
Santa needs a helping hand
We cannot his evil sheet
To draw his laying for the night
So all the waiting christmas trees
Gonna hear their master sing….
There’s no presents, Not this Christmas
There’s no presents
Tom and Jerry, Drinking Sherry
They don’t give a damn
Christmas time is here again
Santa needs a helping hand
It’s getting very, very late
St-Peter’s crossed the Golden Gate
An Donald Duck is still in bed
I wonder who he’s gonna help
There’s no presents, Not this christmas
There’s no presents
Tom and Jerry, All done Sherry
They don’t give a damn
There’s no presents, Not this Christmas
There’s no presents
Tom and Jerry, Still Drinking Sherry
They don’t give a damn
I’m dreaming of a white…. Sabbath….
December 7th, 2005 at 1:47 pm
kool so you know how to celebrate the solstice …I have a bottle of absynthe to get pagan with it…much tastier than chewing on doo doo fungus
December 7th, 2005 at 2:42 pm
well, i’ll be sure to keep my eye on all the fairfield bell ringers for you….i know ive seen the dude youre talkin about trying to sell me the fairfield paper, perhaps he’s helping the needy this holiday season.
December 7th, 2005 at 2:58 pm
SANTA!?!? SATAN!?!?!? They’re the same letters! It’s the same fucking guy!!!
December 7th, 2005 at 4:14 pm
maxi - i knew someone would bring up the christmas in hollis track. i had a whole paragraph called “fuck a christmas rap” but i changed it to include all music. while i love king diamond i still have reservations about the songs christmas nature albeit negative.
buffy - yes ma’am. i got a bottle of absynthe too lets get jiggy
derka derka - please do…i expect a full report of any hyphy bell ringers in yo area!
jenn - its not a mistake. i know it isnt
December 7th, 2005 at 5:40 pm
Hahah, I comment in agreement now.
But seriously, there were times when I would visit dad and he would torture me with christmas music. Not even Ren and Stimpy can make that shit tolerable. I still think he has that reel to reel…
Either way, Christman candy is good. Now let me enjoy my fuckin’ nutrageous bar!
December 7th, 2005 at 5:44 pm
adam - can you please co-sign on the absurdity of the decorations in the tiny ass apartment too? the reel to reel of which you speak is actually upstairs in my old room - along with several reels some of which may be christmas music. also you just like candy. don’t front.
speaking of i want a box of nerd ropes for the holidays. get them now.
also please tell me you are tivo-ing all the comedians of comedy episodes.
December 7th, 2005 at 5:48 pm
Btw, The Garfield Movie is 90 minutes of glorious ecstacy put on celluloid and digitally compressed onto a disc. Let it be known all those who shun such brilliance will be flogged, tarred and feathered.
I mean he DANCES! AND WEARS SUNGLASSES! Cmon!
December 7th, 2005 at 5:50 pm
No, for some reason Comedy central has been shitty about broadcasting them at the right times, so i’ve had troubles getting them all. All further episodes left, (all 1?) will be kept though.
December 7th, 2005 at 6:06 pm
adam - dude really. i hope you are sarcastic about that garfield shit or you have been watching galifinaki’s bit on “The Man Who Can’t Stop Talking About Garfield” loop for the last 24 hrs. i want to shank bill murray for doing it. i mean they have two different scenes with BEP’s “Hey Mamma” please.
re: CoC….they have aired three episodes. I’ve seen 1 and 3. Two is out there. do a search dammit…whats the use of all that fancy cable and you being jobless if we can’t do a fucking search already?
fuck.
December 7th, 2005 at 7:26 pm
Dear pure, rotting, stinking, evil death,
Hello from Northern California and Merry Christmas! I want to try to keep a jovial attitude while writing this, so I’m going to use lots of exclamation points, and in the small squishy things that you call your “brains”, you can create a mental image of me and pretend I’m smiling and rubbing my Santa-like belly between sentences (those things that communicate ideas by stringing together words!) and paragraphs (made up of sentences)! Also, I’ll write very slowly so that everyone can stay with me! Sound good? Well all right-y!
I LOVE CHRISTMAS!! What other time of year allows someone like me to put up with people like you? I use what’s called “Christmas Magic”, known to some as “tolerance” to put up with crappy rant websites that invade my merry-fucking mind! And boy do I love tolerating! You see, its large minds like the ones you find here that keep systems of cruelty and immorality alive and well in today’s society! The only person I have a little love in my Jesus-filled heart for is the original author. At least this person has a pulse, and is pulling some of the feeding tubes out of her nose! But everyone reading this knows that, that’s why you celebrate a little form of “Christmas” by making her your messiah! Congratulations, want-ta-be Christians! You’ve found your idol of the week!
Hooray! I thought I felt a limp brain wave pass through the collective conscious! You’re starting to think. And I know, I know, thinking hurts. I suggest that you strap a couple of heavy flow tampons onto your coke bottle eyeglasses to catch the river of tears that is sure to come! I could have used my special “Christmas Magic” (see above, you might have forgotten) to swallow the mound of crap I read about Christmas on the page, but one comment alone sent me soaring into an intense fever of non Christmas-like cheer. Lydia, how could you ever say “aye jeezy - NO CHRISTMAS MUSIC EVER, FUCKING EVER. I MEAN IT.”
I tried and tried to understand why someone as prophetic and intelligent as you (I’m saying this so as not to anger your disciples and therefore disrupt their monumental reading skills, I know you’re not really all that) could make such a blanket statement about musicians everywhere. Here is a list of the influences that have affected one of the greatest musicians of all time, someone your lord-prophet Lydia and I have not only known figuratively, but biblically, and at the same time (I’m talking three holes, no waiting): Maxwell, John Lennon, The Stylistics, Jackson 5, Prince, The Delfonics, The Beatles, Jimmy Jam, Michael Africk, Terry Lewis, and last but not least Jimmie Smith. The man I speak of is none other than Jordan Nathaniel Marshall Knight, of the all time greatest band ever, NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK!
Now I feel the rapture! Now I feel the pain! I’m sure you are asking yourself, “What….”, then you find the pool of drool that have created in your ten minute reality lapse and finish asking, “…does NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK, one of my favoritist bands of all time, have to do with Christmas music?” I think his mention of not only John Lennon, BUT ALSO the Beatles on his ‘stats’ page, makes his runner up for thinker of the year. I’m actually not kidding. Read and weep, my children, here are the lyrics to one of your favorite songs of all time, FUNKY FUNKY CHRISTMAS:
Ho, ho, ho, oh, little train, my little elf, another great Christmas.
Ah, man, it’s boring, it’s boring, same thing every year,
so let’s have a funky Christmas!
Have a funky funky Christmas, have a funky funky Christmas.
New Kids On The Block, let’s rock, it’s Christmas time.
We’re gonna celebrate it with a rhyme.
Danny D, are you ready? - Ready as I’ll ever be
Steady - you know, Joey Joe is ready
Jordan and Jon, yeah, come on, we got a funky, funky Christmas going on.
Have a funky…
Funky Christmas and a funky new year, I swear we got ourselves a party here
Girls on the floor knows our posse at the door
Should I stop - nah cool - here’s more of this song, a funky Christmas melody
’cause Jordan K feels so Christmasy
Throw your hands in the air pause, kick the ballistics Santa Claus
Have a funky…
Sneaking downstairs on Christmas Eve
I saw a sight that you just wouldn’t believe
St. Nick by the fireplace dusting off his head with a frown on his face
He said hay - said what - he said you - I said what
He said you left the fire burning and I burnt my butt
so now I’ve learned you’ve got to turn the fireplace down
so Santa won’t get burned
Have a funky…
Have a funky…
Slipping and sliding through the city streets
I’ll be in town getting down to the Christmas beat
it’s Danny D I’m here with Christmas cheer
no feeling to end the party of the year
it’s going I’m showing fresh rhymes I’m throwing
it’s snowing outside but we ho-ho-hoing
Santa’s on the way, sleigh bells are ringing, swinging, everybody start singing
Have a funky….
It’s Christmas, can you swing this?
Funky, dope jam top on your Christmas list, do you dig this?
Boy, there ain’t no twist, just something you wish for and you almost missed huh
Funky Christmas and a Happy New Year, how could you be booing it
with Donnie D doing it?
Have a funky….
Ho, ho, ho, this is the MC Santa Claus and my elf little Joe
Yeah, merry Christmas, merry Christmas, we gonna kick the ballistics
of our Christmas wishes.
Feeling better? If not, here is a little trick that helped Betty Davis when she found out they were naming a rehab clinic after her, because she was such a drunk whore! Get a mirror, preferably a small VANITY mirror on a handle, disrobe, open your legs, and use the mirror to locate a tender, small, little village of pleasure called the chode. Rub and repeat! Now you’re learning to love!
I talked to Jesus just now, because we’re ‘tight and shit’, I think you would say, and amazingly enough, he forgives you all! He even forgives the hippy pagan chick that needs a pit shave and a new drug. Interestingly enough, I live in Arcata, California- the center of the hippie universe. As I was walking out of the CO-OP (I know this term is strange, but you will learn with time, hippie) the other day, I was accosted by a dirty dread headed hippie bell ringer for the Sal Army. I know she was surprised to see someone with a haircut and decent car walking out of the store, and this confused her. She began to berate me with anti-Yahweh propaganda and tree-sitting fliers printed on (big surprise) PAPER, so I just smiled and said, “Have a nice day! Merry Christmas!” I knew that would help her on her amazing ‘long strange trip’ to finding God, with a capital motherfucking G, biatch-a-mums. I can only hope this letter will do the same for this list of intellectual giants. I know you are tired now, because no matter what they told you in first grade, reading IS hard. Let’s sum up:
-Christmas is good
-Christmas is not bad
-Lydia is cool, because she is my friend
-Everyone else on this page, except for the Elf-fucker, is a slave zombie whose head will eventually have to be severed for a new world to exist.
-Elf fucking is awesome
-NEW KIDS are the bestestest band in the whole world.
-One hippie’s paradise is another person’s short bus
-I am the best, no matter how hard you try to make my think I’m not, with the wave of comments that are sure to follow
I genuinely hope that all losers everywhere come to learn that the holidays are a special time, even if just to satisfy your own personal greedy wants. Remember, once the government makes Zombie-killing legal, I can’t wait to meet all of you.
My sincerest love,
The Big White Honkey (spelled with an E)
P.S. I’m just kidding about all of that stuff! I’m actually really impressed with all of your comments. Seriously though, you all suck.
P.P.S. Having Tuesday on a Wednesday is like Christmas in October.
December 7th, 2005 at 11:55 pm
wow… honkey just performed the ex-lax-nog ALL over your comments
I sort of used to type long shit like that on the bandwith of others, but only when I took vicodin heheh
December 8th, 2005 at 8:11 am
check chingo bling’s “chingo bells”
then we’ll talk.
December 8th, 2005 at 9:56 am
what makes me a hippy pagan chick and not a hippie?…it must be cause you’re a honkey and not a honkie…strange enuf I know all about the CO-OP but they don’t sell razors there and I do have a new drug of choice…HATING!!!
December 8th, 2005 at 10:49 am
sweet baby jesus its an appearance by the one and only Big White Honkey. just last tuesday i was commenting to Cockzilla in rememberence of the “fruit basket” incident of ‘96 that started “the war of wrong” which included acts that we shall not speak of because of the intense wrongness. you, me and loforti know what went down. that period of my life is simultaneous the lowest and the highest which is very rare.
i am touched that you leave such a long, long, long hate-ridden poo on my page. i would expect nothing less from such a tall white, white man such as yourself.
i hope that you can come back this way soon. very soon.
ps. NKOTB does fucking RULE!
Cythen- its okay BWH is a special man. and i can draw his nuts from memory.
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