Deerfoots and Dorks, It’s Mutherfucking Hater Tuesday!
Looks like the Go Dumb helmet craze of the Bay is reaching LA finally. Keanu better watch out. If Goldie Gold finds out someone gonna get punched in the neck.
Ashley, all the hookers in the ‘Loin called and they want their white heels and tights back. Seriously, look at her heels. They are tranny heels. Also sorry to break it to you girl, but Jessica’s cans are still better. Nice try though.
Seriously WTF? Laguna Beach is a shitty reality show. Yes I watch it from time to time but usually I am like “I FUCKING HATE THESE BITCHES” I don’t understand why this show is getting a spin off. LC is boring and placid. I could give two shits about her life. If we are gonna get spin offs I’d prefer to watch Kristin tramp around Hollywood and break hearts. She’s cold blooded and I like that about her. Back to the images. WTF is up with the girl with Talan? WHY IS SHE FREAKING OUT? Is it because he’s engaged to Kimberly Stewart? Is it because he is giving her the stink finger and she knows she’s about to get a Dirty Sanchez? Someone get this little girl a tissue and a Prozac stat. Oh and cancel her cable. Immediately.
Madonna put pants on now. Right fucking now. Or at the very least stop squatting. I do not want to see your vagina anymore. Ever. Ever.
BONUS HATE******
Fuck you guys man. You got me feeling all less than hateriffic for not being full of firey venom this week. But you are right. This was a light post. Here is some auxillary hate to make it better.
Drunk Rhythm-less Dancers: We’ve all seen them. Drunk, overzealous dancers, usually they are white with zero rhythm. They are flinging each other all over the dance floor, off beat and out of time, yet they are dancing around like they are the next coming of John Travolta and Olivia Newton John. It’s really bad when the chick thinks she super foxy. She usually makes bad goo-goo eyes at her partner and tries to back her nonexistent booty into her partner’s nether region while her partner simulates the booty slap or worse grinds into her perversely. Watching them dance is like watching a bad porn preview. You know they are going to go back to the crib and have terrible awkward sex. She will get bored half-way through (if there even is a half-way. It’s more likely that his whisky dick will shoot it’s half-pea sized load in like the first 20 seconds. ) and she will end up doing her best Jenna Jameson impersonation just to get him off of her. They will wake up in the morning in a room stinking something fierce. It will be a bad combo of Drakkar Noir, Bath and Body Works Cucumber Lotion, rubbers and stale beer. She will wonder if he “really likes her” and he will wonder “when the fuck is she leaving?” Instead of telling the truth to thier friends they will both end up saying this, “OH MAN, IT WAS SO FUCKING AWESOME - BEST SEX EVER”
Paul Wall Got Fat Rap people, did you see the VIBE Awards? (Not that it was worth watching) I tuned in to watch the Dirty South medley featuring Lil Weezy, Paul Wall, Slim Thug and Mike Jones. To my surprise Paul Wall was living LAAAAAAAAAARGE. As Big Max would say “Dude was looking like he been eating HEALTHY!” I been scouring the interwebs for pics from VIBE but ain’t had much luck. If you find some pics of the new and expanded Paul Wall email me. I want to post them. I think he may have swolled his wife. Seriously, it really looked like the People’s Champ been eating up all the people’s food.
PLAYER OF THE WEEK:
Missy Elliot
This is the most un-hip-hop moment ever. Is that a motorized scooter? She might as well have come out on a goddamned razor scooter. Just because Adidas sends you free clothes from thier new winter line doesn’t mean you have to wear them. This color blocked 70s bullshit is not cute. On anyone. Especially Missy. Um also did she not get the memo about fucking Uggs? Sure these are Coach but that’s not really making it okay. I understand that she is trying to off set her other foot which appears to be in a support boot of some sort. However, I’m all about if you are hurt stay home. I don’t want to watch you hobble around and “perform” That’s some lame shit right there.
When I saw these photos I could not help but fast foward in my head to the year 2020 when Missy and Jigga and everyone will be like 60 years old - sure Jigga’s supposed to be retired but I can’t help but think that there will be some lame Hip Hop Honors shit where they wheel them all out to perform. My guess is they will use scooters just like this. I’m crying on the inside right now.
November 22nd, 2005 at 2:22 pm
Is it a good sign or a bad sign that with me out of the office you are clearly less full of hate than usual?
November 22nd, 2005 at 2:40 pm
i agree, the hate level is definitely low - it must have been the wonderful weekend you had with al your girls in town
and Ashley looks like a tranny with a boob job even without those awful heels
November 22nd, 2005 at 2:46 pm
Madonna’s vagina is my new myspace icon.
I’m not kidding.
November 22nd, 2005 at 2:50 pm
its been a slow week in hate mayne. i got real, real, real drunk this weekend and lost my hater-notebook and hence my hate notes.
shiiit. i’ll make up for it i promise.
November 22nd, 2005 at 3:17 pm
DAMN but those are some serious tranny heels on Ashley. I used to date a cross-dresser, so I KNOW FROM some tranny shoes. You just can’t get an attractive heel over size 11. Do we think Ashley is a man?? It would actually explain a lot.
Thanks for calling it like you see it.
And yes, the hate is feeling a little low. I’m sure a nice Thanksgiving weekend will perk you right up.
:)
November 22nd, 2005 at 3:19 pm
Number one: I’m not sure, but I think Ashlee has better legs than Jessica. Jessica’s got some serious upper thighs. (Not fat, just broad.) But it’s a bad angle for me to be sure. Am I wrong, or is Ashlee just a nose job and a final decision on her life’s direction away from being as pretty as Jessica? Eh, who cares.
Number two: What is up with that Talen guy, really. I’ve never seen LB so maybe he comes across more interesting when he’s moving around and speaking, but going on the picture alone, my hick Dallas suburb had about 50 better looking guys than THAT. Bor-ing.
Number three: What did I say about Madonna’s eyes (see the wrinkles just under her brow! you know you’re old when there are under-brow wrinkles) and her hands. That’s just creepy, when grandma wants to be sexy at you. At least the vaginer is covered up. Also, that huge vein on her right arm? Urp. I may be ill.
November 22nd, 2005 at 3:50 pm
My friend Greg was at that awards show (The Video Game Awards on Spike TV) and told me that she lip-synched her performance.
That’s more hateful than a fucking scooter.
November 22nd, 2005 at 3:56 pm
Dana - Thank you for feeling me. I think she’s a man. Nuff said.
Deb - #1 - AIRBRUSHING! AIRBRUSHING! No body has legs that look like that. #2 Yeah I don’t get it. He’s not that cute and not even in a brooding teen sort of way. He’s just like “whatever” #3 I agree Madonna is old. Im upset by the reflection of her undercarriage off the stage in that second one. It’s going to haunt me in my sleep.
Bobaloo - THAT IS WORSE THAN A SCOOTER. Lip-syncing rap is the laziest shit ever. She wasn’t even dancing. She has a broke foot and is on a goddamn scooter. You’d think she could at least rap for reals. What is this world coming to.
November 22nd, 2005 at 5:03 pm
That pic of Ashley Simpson is neither sexy, attractive, interesting nor arty. Blech! Girl is trying WAY too hard.
I don’t know who Paul Wall is, but I loves me some fat boys! But, I likes my boys with their own teeth.
November 22nd, 2005 at 6:58 pm
Ashlee has no butt, and I am confused by what look she is trying to achieve. But, the shoes are awesome! Man, I looove super high heels cuz I am short and being tall is fun. You can get the glasses out of the top cupboard.
Madonna, I never thought she was pretty. She’s getting more unpretty as the years wear on. Why is she so into the pink leotard look? That wasn’t pretty in the early eighties either.
I felt your hate…it’s good. Hey, Missy kinda looks like a pirate with that pink boot. Ugly.
November 22nd, 2005 at 7:56 pm
remember that time ashlee simpson tried to have an identity mutually exclusive of her sister but no one gave a fuck except burned-out avril lavigne fans?
the simpson family is a good example of what happens when your father touches your naughty parts. by naughty parts, i mean your pink parts. by pink parts, i mean your big gaping pussy.
November 23rd, 2005 at 1:19 am
BATTERED. CHAPPED. PUSSY.
November 23rd, 2005 at 6:36 am
“undercarriage”
that’s gunna keep me laughing all day.
November 23rd, 2005 at 9:03 am
AS’s heels are the ugliest goddamn shoes I’ve ever seen! And speaking of tranny-I thought I saw a bulge where it counts-but maybe it’s just my eyes buggin’ out from looking yet again at Madonna’s snatch-seriously-how many times do we have to view that shit????
Remember when Missy was so dope back in the day when no one listened to her-they were all “missy who?” I luved her back then-but now I’m jus diss appointed - WTF with that boot-if you can’t dance to the shit you’re performing sit the fuck down and let someone who is not crippled strut their shit.
Luv the hate-keep it coming!!!
November 23rd, 2005 at 9:50 am
I have a sneaky feeling that Missy Elliot read “Player of the Week” from 11/15 (re: Breezy’s in Walkers and Wheelchairs all in the club) and tried to ‘up the anti’ in true player style and ride a motorized scooter. That’s the only explaination.
You need to organize a play date for Farrah and I, just saying.
November 23rd, 2005 at 12:35 pm
adam - you are indeed my brother not just by blood but also in hate. jesus and the bible.
spuniun - consider it my gift to you
chrystal - when i read your name i think of crystal…she’s a man. im with you.
lolly - farrah will be making an appearance at the popovich thanksgiving extravaganza most likely. you can hang then
November 28th, 2005 at 5:45 pm
here are two images of paul wall that I found where it looks like he’s blown up…
http://cache.gettyimages.com/comp/56149314.jpg?x=x&dasite=GettyImages&ef=2&ev=1&dareq=AB27D05020109421B14BA70977BF8215DC0D46BEFB7E3F2594D2604A015CF9DF
and
http://cache.gettyimages.com/comp/56021062.jpg?x=x&dasite=GettyImages&ef=2&ev=1&dareq=AB27D05020109421B14BA70977BF8215494E0207E142F1A194D2604A015CF9DF
November 29th, 2005 at 10:37 am
Damn, that madonna shit made me spit dr pepper out of my nose.
November 29th, 2005 at 12:47 pm
fuck missy elliot. that whole fit is wack and that scooter shit is SUPER wack. fuck these icons to the modern 12 year old. i feel that she would actually tell me to get a scooter and wear bullshit like that to have “hip hop” credibility. dammmmmnn.
November 29th, 2005 at 1:14 pm
crackhead - word dawg - he does look larger there right? click and paste folks.
tangbeer - easy on the pepper there soldier….that shit is delicious and is not to be wasted. although i suppose madonna’s wrinkly undercarriage is probably the best thing to waste it on.
brandon b - no one likes that rap crap as much as you do son, no one. now put yo’ shirt on.
November 29th, 2005 at 1:28 pm
i dunno if he looks bigger, it’s hard to tell with those huge shirts one, but in the top one, his hands look funny, compared to his arms they are hairless and whiter, what’s up with that?
November 29th, 2005 at 4:07 pm
mle - im not sure im too distracted by the big ass airbrushed rendering of hisself on his shirt.
April 18th, 2006 at 7:08 pm
girl, I just recently started reading your blog and am going through your archive.. you just made me snort with that shit! Fucking Miss E on a RASCAL?!??!!! HA!!!
April 19th, 2006 at 2:05 pm
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