Hater Tuesday

This week’s hate was inspired by several live shows and one of the most eventful Rocktobers ever….enjoy and remember this isn’t just hate, this is my life.

The Ironic Booer: Remember when Primus was all super ill and people would yell out “PRIMUS SUCKS” at the top of their lungs at the shows? That was pretty lame even then, but at least it had relevance. At the Foo Fighters last week I was reminded that the Ironic Booer guy still exists. He is still out there attending rock shows drinking Coors Lights and yelling, “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” that is quickly followed by a snicker and a “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” or “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” annunciated in a way only dudes with names like Ty, Brad or Mikey can. In his mind he really thinks his ironic boo is the only way the band knows that he knows “THEY FUCKING RAWK, DUDE!” He’s so damned dedicated to the “Boo” - he does it over and over and over just to make sure everyone knows that he is on some special shit. The sad part is dude has no idea that we all “get” his joke - we just think he’s a fucking retard.

Not Loud Enough Shows Here’s the thing, I like my metal/punk/rock shit loud. Like fucking LOOOOOOOOOOUD-AH! You feel me? I want that shit so loud my ears will bleed if I don’t keep my ear plugs in. That’s the best part about seeing a live metal/punk/rock show - the fucking loud. I mean, I can blast that CD pretty loud but not as loud as it should be in a club. I want to be able to feel that shit in my chest - thumping and rocking so loud I can’t even think about anything else besides making sure my insides don’t drop out of my body due to an equilibrium shift. I caught Against Me! last week and I was so ready to rock. Unfortunately the club was not exactly on the same page. I blame the damn all ages bullshit. Maybe somone’s mom called and asked them to keep it down cause fucking Little Donny from Walnut Creek just got over a bad case of swimmer’s ear or some shit. All I’m saying is that club needs to get right. When I saw High On Fire there - it was not nearly loud enough. I forgot ear plugs that night and was so prepared for three days of ear ringing as my punishment. Alas, I walked out feeling normal and wishing it was at least 50% louder.

Frankie J “More Than Words“cover: Who the fuck okayed this bullshit. A r&b cover of Extreme’s “More Than Words”? Negro please. I can’t even explain how wack this is. The song was not good the first time - sure it lives on in on One Hit Wonder-dom but there was no need for a rehash. It’s on some lazy rehash to mayne. They didn’t even switch up the melody or anything. Frankie J is a chump on some wanna be John B shit. Mexican hynas all across San Jo are probably rallying up to stab my ass next time I show my face in the Jo just for saying that but on the real. Dude is soft like soft serve. See what you did D’Angelo? See? If only dude could get his shit together and squash all this playground r&b that’s coming out.

Gwen Stefani “Luxurious” Video I’ve only seen this once so far and I can’t decide how much I hate it. I’m whatever with the track itself. My coworker Isaac played it out for me a long ass time ago when he came up on the mp3 before her album dropped. My issues are with the video. If you read HT or know me you know Im hella sensitive about whitey’s appropriation of Mexican American culture and iconography. This is certainly on some appropriation. Her whole opening scene where she is rocking some Frida Kahlo type hair-do and in a fucking La Virgin de Guadalupe-esque pose layin in a pile of pinata candy sorta bugs me out. Then she’s walking around dressed like a cholo chica in some house shoes and Dickies. Part of me was like, “damn she looks kinda fly” but then I was like “yo this ain’t some dress up shit…THIS IS MY LIFE!” I’m just not trying to see a whole load of Gwenabees rocking some poser chola shit. But then again if they do start rocking that shit - bitches may start shooting and we will be on some natural selection shit. Hmm. I reserve the right to hate further on this topic.

D4L “Laffy Taffy” : This is some guest hate from the very influential and down with the word Father Rick - peep the link to the left if you are sleeping. I got an email from the Father last night…he was very upset and concerned about the wack levels exhibited in this song. He had this to say:
“theres this one song i heard on the
radio the other day called “laffy taffy”. its by some fools down
south. like WAY down south, where they barely figured how to play a
casio type of shit, south. if you hear this bullshit, you’ll laugh
cause it really is SO WACK. i swear, and i’ll put this on anything,
that this shit is the wackest shit i’ve heard on the radio EVER.”

That’s some strong words so of course I had to peep it out for myself. I did. The Father is right. This is the foulest attempt at a slapper I’ve ever heard. The beat sounds like a throw away my cat made. The lyrics and delivery are also embarrassing. “I’m looking for Miss Bubble-Gum, I’m Mr. Chico Stick?” Are you fucking kidding me? Mr. Chico Stick? Shake Dat Laffy Taffy? Come the fuck on. I don’t care how much sizzurp you sippin’ on this is not a fucking cut. Get it off my damn radio. Now.

PLAYER(S) OF THE WEEK:

Suburban Thizz Kids at Against Me!
Check out these mutherfuckers right here. I saw these little j-cats down at the Against Me! show. They were all sweaty as shit, leaning against the bar downing glass after glass of water. I saw them out of the corner of my eye and started freaking out cause they were so fucking dope. It was like the Hater gods looked down on me and gave me the most awesome of gifts. So of course I walked right up to them and said “Yo dunny, let me get a flick wit you and yo homeboy…them shirts is illness” Dude immediately put his glass down threw up his arms, did the Thizz Face, grabbed his homie and said “HELL YEAH, THIZZ OR DIE!” Please note that these shirts are the utmost of ghetto homemade - jank-ass magic marker, words not even centered or lettering stylized. Shit is just scrawled on there - RIP MAC DRE! Thizz Is What It Is! Thizz or Die Beezy!

Roberto Gaspar Villarreal

Roberto was my grandfather. He was the original hater. His grumpy demeanor and foul mouth is one of the reasons I am as cranky as I am today. We used to butt heads like nobodies business. We would have the best fights with some of the most insane diss exchanges. One time he told me that not only was I a little bitch but I needed to get my toes done. I mean how many grandfathers do you know go there? Mind did. He hated everything that could possibly be hated and he did it his way. He didn’t give two shits about what anyone thought. I love him for that. Today is the anniversary of his death and since it is a Tuesday I found it only fitting to mention his legendary hate-ittude here. Vive el Odio! Te amo.

BONUS HATE:
I’d also like to take a moment to do something I call “Open Letter” I haven’t done it since way back in June last year when Madonna came out with that “call me Esther” bullshit. Today’s letter is to Dave Grohl.

Dave-

Hey man. I just wanted to take a moment and thank you for being such an awesome musician. There are so few really good rock bands these days. Let’s face it, a majority of corporate rock bands are fucking bitchmade. But not you Dave, not you. Somehow you have managed to maintain a level of awesomeness and quality and still make millions. You’ve even managed to rise above all that bullshit with Courtney Love and the Nirvana catalog. That musta been some shit. I mean bitch is crazy and was talking hella shit and you just rode through like a soldier. Props on that. This may sound sorta harsh but I’m real and I say what I like so I’m going to just be straight with you. I’m glad Kurt killed himself. If he was still alive and Nirvana lived on who knows if you would have ever had a chance to shine in the way that you have. I mean I’d like to think we still would have got projects like Probot but who knows if Foo would have ever taken flight. His ego would have grown so immense he probably would have made a rule that the drums had to be played from another room just to redirect attention his way. Ya know what I mean? But on the real, I’m a fan and I don’t say that often. Your music is really good and you are one of the last performers around who knows how to rock it well. I mean how many people jump off the stage into a sold out arena and proceed to rock through the crowd one on one with the people? Not many.

I’m saying when you are ready to throw down and become Mr. Villarreagrohlovich, I’ll be here with a bottle of Crown Royal for that ass.