Rippers and Macks It’s Mutherfucking Hater Tuesday….
BEP “My Humps” On the real, this song is the last mutherfucking straw. I’m calling a hip-hop jihad on these bitches. This is the worst song ever recorded ever. I don’t know who told them that the hook, “My hump, my humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps” was a good idea but whomever that person is needs to be hunted down and flogged publicly. I mean seriously people “my lovely lady lumps” ??? Bitch, please. I am so down for a good booty song (”Donkey, donkey everywhere…”) but this is like some playground cutesy bullshit that needs and must be stopped. We can’t have little girls walking around referring to their tits and ass as their “lovely lady lumps” I shoulda went down to Monster Park on Saturday and grabbed wack ass Fergie by that raggedy weaved in pony tail and beat her ass till she peed herself (again) for singing that crap. It just ain’t right. Not one little bit. I’m not even gonna waste time talking about how incredibly wack her “rapping” is or the blatant recycled Latin Freestyle sounds they are trying to sport as “original” these days. Young Jeezy might finally start getting a break from me now that I have this bullshit to contend with. Ya smell me?
Fixed Gear Bike Nerds - If you don’t live in an urban city like SF or NY you may be saying to yourself, “What the fuck is that?” and for that I am jealous. Unlike you lucky bucks, I am forced to deal with these arrogant fuckers all the damn time. Everywhere you look in this fucking city there is some jack-off on a fixed gear bike careening around a corner with his no brake having ass. It’s like,okay, okay I fucking get it. You have no breaks on your bike. You are so fucking hard. I see you with your goddamned one pant leg rolled up because you can’t be bothered with a fucking chain guard…no not you, Mr./Miss “I’m not a bike messenger - its about having total control of your bike” Bullshit. Get some damned breaks already. Your stupid ass is gonna get creamed and I am not going to feel sorry for you. I hope you have to get stitches and you end up on a damned razor scooter.
NYC Subway T Shirts - Sure the subway is cool. It’s fucking efficient and helps thousands of people get from one place to another on a daily basis - but does it need a T shirt? I think not. The most annoying thing is that I’d say about 95% of the people wearing those shirts are not even from NY. Maybe they went to NY once and rode the subway a handful of times - but do you really think they took the A or B deep into Brooklyn? Or the or the F out into Queens or the fucking 6 way to to the Bronx and the service was so awesome they decided to show pride by purchasing a T shirt? I think not. Also I am fairly certain that they have never stood on the platform waiting for the fucking train to come when its 99% humidity and it smells like assholes and dick cheese. Don’t misunderstand me - I am in no way a New Yorker - Im a Cali girl through and through but I have been to NY and used the subway and I’ve never, ever loved it so much that I felt the need to rock a T shirt. Just saying.
Exotic Erotic Ball
I think the wackness of this event is best explained via a pie graph.
Player(s)of the Week
Federation
The Bay Area is on some shit. For Real. Rappers in the East Bay are cut from a very special cloth that cannot be found anywhere else. That’s what makes the sounds of the Bay so damn live. Me and my Gurp City rap posse went to check out Federation at the SF Weekly Music Awards last week and were treated to the most hyphy ten minutes of our lives. If you ever have an opportunity to see Federation fucking do it. Don’t crip walk, go dumb and run onto the yellow bus as fast as you can. When you get there I can only hope that you are fortunate enough to see them rock gear like this - Doonie Baby, Goldie Gold, Mr. Stres and Rick Rock are my new rap heros. I mean seriously who the fuck do you know rocks a soft padded rugby helmet AND a bullet proof vest? We call the helmet the “Go Dumb Helmet” cause when Goldie Gold put it on this kid in the crowd he instantly went “dumb” his arms started buggin’ out and flayling all over the place. It was fucking magic. And the “I Got Grapes” shirt? Man, oh man. When I saw that thing I couldn’t help myself. I just started yelling “I GOT GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPES” as loud as I could. It became a mantra that I HAD to chant. That shirt is so obnoxious - it really can’t be fucked with. The only way it could get better is if it was airbrushed - but even so, I am not sure it could fuck with what Mr. Stres is rocking here. I am on a hunt for this shirt. If you see one, cop it and send it my way.
Big ups to Rez for providing the screen caps…if you want to catch some video of the most hyphy shit ever - click on the link over there that says LowRezPollution or click here you lazy fuck.
October 25th, 2005 at 1:14 pm
fixed gears are rad, lydia. they go fast and you’re in control … if you know what you’re doing and are aware of your surroundings. those bikes can be faster than a car. if i lived in sf, i would totally ride one…. but i’m a good bike rider and wouldn’t get trampled or smashed.
October 25th, 2005 at 1:17 pm
best hate yet. i thought that song was a joke at first. then they kept playing it + i found out it was the superannoying BEP= staying in my head ALL WEEKEND. i wish you did give her a black eye until she peepee’ed. the pie chart was right on the money. and yes, the bike thing is getting outta control. you ARE fabulous.
October 25th, 2005 at 1:34 pm
amanda you are part of the problem not the solution - stop listening to obscure indie rock right now and unpeg the left leg of your jeans…immediately. im not kidding
lil miss p - thanks girlish.
October 25th, 2005 at 1:50 pm
the term “lady lumps” reminds me of breast tumors and cottage cheese thighs
October 25th, 2005 at 2:02 pm
i dont know if you are on myspace, but i think you can cop an “i got grapes” tshirt from keak. look up keak da sneak on myspace and i think you should be able to go from there.
October 25th, 2005 at 2:03 pm
I love the term “pancake tits.” You are the only person besides me that I have ever seen use it. Someone should start pancaketits.com. It would be a website run by someone who went around with a camera and secretly took pictures of pancake tits then posted them.
October 25th, 2005 at 2:57 pm
but lil john did a remix to my humps!
sure, the song sucks, but lil john did a remix!
i hate it when it gets stuck in my head, but lil john did a remix!
October 25th, 2005 at 3:32 pm
I gotta side with my boss Lydia on this one. Form over function is an integral part of being the well-heeled individuals that she and I clearly are, but at a certain point, you really need brakes on a motherfucking bicycle. What if there was a baby seal in front of your fixed gear, then what would you do? Just run that cute little guy over? You are worse than Exxon.
October 25th, 2005 at 3:53 pm
bee to the. - i am on myspace ill see what up with keak and cop tha shit. too ill. good looking out as they say in the hip hop world.
michael - i have to admit that me and dj mrs white collabed on that one. i had plans to use fat ladies in corsets - he reminded me of the lovely term “pancake tits”
aye jiggy - i dont give two shits who remixed it - that song sucks - you can’t turn shit into flowers. even if fucking scott la rock came back from the dead just to remix it, that shit would still fucking suck. word.
lil i - good to see you are with me…otherwise i would be forced to kill you.
October 25th, 2005 at 3:57 pm
hell yea i was happy to see this one- my humps has got to be the absolute wackest song to come out in a real long time. the shit that kills me is, BEP still thinks they have underground street credibility. dammmnnn that shit is crazy. whats tight is my buddy devin dj’s at a strip club, and just off GP alone he tells the bitches who ask to dance to it that he doesnt have it. LOLL seriously. fuck that whole vibe they got.
October 25th, 2005 at 4:22 pm
I’m usually agreeing but man fuck brakes, brakes are for pussies who are too scared to run shit over. I recently bought my first bike with brakes and I don’t like that shit at all. It’s not a bmx so I need that shit but I’m seriously thinking about switching to fixed so I can get rid of that bullshit. I’ll be damned if I’m going to roll up my pant leg. I don’t mind grease or rips.
October 25th, 2005 at 5:27 pm
That “I got grapes” t-shirt would go great with a speedo.
October 25th, 2005 at 5:28 pm
wigga - props to your boy for shuttin’ them hoes down - tell them to dance to something right like some damn Gangsta Boo - you can’t ass clap to that playground BEP bullshit.
serg - its tuesday so imma go for it here — that kind of renegade attitude is why yo ass is on crutches, just saying. at least you cosign on the fucking pant leg and i know you aint wearing no skinny leg girl pants either so imma let you slide.
October 25th, 2005 at 7:52 pm
Thank you for hating the Lady Lumps crapp. I was going to write a hate post on that horrible song a week ago when I first saw the video, but couldn’t bring myself to do it. What the hell are these people thinking? How is this song in any way music? I was almost beginning to tolerate The Black Eyed Peas until this… oh the humanity.
But! It is a really funny video to make my husband watch and pretend to love the jam…hehehehe The look of horror on his face was priceless.
Bikes without brakes? Someday someone is going to get creamed, then they will sue somebody. Idiots.
October 25th, 2005 at 8:39 pm
I’m on crutches because I have commitment. I don’t half ass my stupid behavior. Commitment is why I don’t believe in seatbelts or helmets and drink beer. Liquor is for those who are too lazy to put in the work.
October 25th, 2005 at 9:45 pm
so i was gonna have something witty to say but then i had to iron my uniform…
i find myself increasingly angry at the stupidity that they twist and contort into music these days…
October 26th, 2005 at 9:46 am
Serg - I commend you commitment to stupid behavior. It takes a strong man/woman to really follow through with that sort of shit. Mmmmm beer.
Black Ninja Whitney - “Iron your uniform” is that what the kids are callin it these days?
mle - dude you are so right.
Wendy - you know you can always submit topics for hatage right? i mean i like to think i stay abreast of all things hate worthy but every once in a while i do slip up - so feel free to send suggestions. i post guest hate!
October 26th, 2005 at 1:12 pm
it’s not so much the fixed gear bikes themselves that bother me, but the attitudes of those mop-headed faux-dirt-bag indier-than-thou bitches who ride them shits. it hasn’t happened to me yet, but i’ve seen it more times than I care to — some fucktard comes careening around a corner with no brakes and barks at the people walking or standing to get out of his/her way. the first time that happens to me, i swear i’m squaring up on ‘em and dropping the people’s elbow. then i’m gonna point and laugh at road rash / broken limbs / whatever other injuries their arrogant recklessness causes them. dumb fucks.
as for wack eyed peas, i’ve been on record for years as fucking their worthless, talentless couch.
and there’s an element of the erotic exotic pie chart missing: pathetic and aging former “hipsters” trying to recapture the glory of their “wild” youths by “exploring their sexuality,” which usually means donning green polkadotted Dr. Suess hats, far-too revealing clothes and asking their kids’ friends for extacy. possibly the worst stereotype represented in a sea of lame stereotypes.
I GOT GRAAAAAPES!
October 26th, 2005 at 2:28 pm
max - god bless you every fucking inch. i would pay at least $5 dollars to watch you drop the massive people’s elbow on a fixed gear head. i would laugh and point and yell “what a homo” as loud as i could at him/her as they tumbled onto the street like one of them dudes in ghetto brawls 2.
your slice of the pie is indeed needed.
and “PLAY DONKEY!”
October 31st, 2005 at 8:48 pm
i remember a few years ago reading about how the BEP studio caught on fire andtons of their shit burned up. its just gotten worse from there. i’ve hated them suckas since i first laid eyes on them, they are some ugly mother fuckers- that one white/asian/black dude looks like an amphibian, i swear.
November 22nd, 2005 at 2:11 pm
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