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the list in no particular order of hatred
- Erratic Suppliers - You’re a pot dealer, it’s your job to have good weed all the time. If you can’t do that, stop selling weed and sell insurance instead. P.S I don’t care if it’s special, I’m not paying extra.
- The Distracted Phone Call -It happens to all of us. We answer the phone because we really want to talk to someone, yet our geographic or social location does not allow for a proper phone conversation. Nothing worse than being on the other end of the line with a person who is talking to like 15 people physically near them instead of to you. Too busy to talk? Don’t answer the phone. That is what voicemail is for.
- People Who Don’t Listen (mainly interns or hired help) - People explain directions for a reason, they want it done a certain way. That means your brain should go off and you should listen to the directions and execute them. This does not mean that you should fain listening and then proceed with the task doing it your own way and completely ignoring explicit instructions. You are not being helpful. I am serious.
- The Knots In My Back - I have two large knots in my back the size of Fuji apples. They hurt, real bad. I’d like a massage now please.
- Passive-Aggression - That shit will kill you. Get the hate out. Say what’s bothering you. Don’t harbor and make snide comments under your breath. If you think I should sweep something, ask me. Don’t lean a broom against a wall in hopes that I will see it. That is so 1955 housewife.
- Walk-Along-Side-You-And-Ask-For-Change-Homeless-Guy - I am not impressed by your motivation to actively seek change. I am not impressed that you are stepping out of the box in your search for handouts and have decided to lose the sign and go for the personal touch. Just because you walk along side me and give me multiple reasons why I should give you change, does not mean that I will share my pennies with you. In fact, it makes me just want to walk faster so that you will run to catch up and then just before you catch up, I will put my arm out to clothesline you. Are you impressed now?
- Spam Filters That Do Not Filter- Sort of an obvious hate, I know, but this morning has been insane. How is it possible that my Spam filter thinks that I really want an email with a subject line that reads - “RE: Chasin the snake”or “Have you heard of hard erection? Come on in. accumulaterotogravure”
- The Smell That Boy Pee Leave In My Bathroom- Some of you are boys that read this. All of you pee (or at least I hope you do.) Maybe you can tell me what makes boy pee so dang smelly? Take that back, I don’t care. My point is your boy pee smells. Unfortunately, I live with two boys, who pee in the shared bathroom, which always smells like pee in the mornings. Yuck.
- Ciao - Is it me or is this a completely unacceptable way to say good bye, or hello for that matter. As far as salutations go, Ciao is like the weakest and douchiest of the bunch. If Ciao were a person it would be constantly getting it’s ass kicked for being so pretentious and ridiculous.
- Bored and Horny - Two states of being that should never be combined. I wouldn’t wish either on the worst of my enemies OR maybe I should since the two combined are such a pain in the ass.
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