LADIES AND GENTLEMAN ITS HATER TUESDAY
Black Eyed Peas - It is no secret that I am not a BEP fan. They have turned up in the HT pages more than a few times. They make the list again this week for thier craptastic new song “Don’t Phunk With My Heart”. I hate this song for two main reasons.
Reason 1. The spelling and use of the word Phunk.
I hate word play. It’s cute or whatever, but I hate it. Just say, don’t FUCK with my heart. Or choose another hook. It’s that easy. If you are afraid that Christian moms and dad’s don’t want their children singing along with a bad word, don’t use one that sounds like a bad word. When I was about 7, I started saying “fudgeit” in place of my preferred, “fuckit”. My penchant for profanity started at a young age, by seven I had already been given detention a few times for using the “f” word and calling older girls “bitches”. I had to find replacement words so that I could keep myself out of the nunnery. I said “fudgeit” when attempting to exit my mom’s car on my way to school one morning (a catholic private school mind you). I think I got my skirt caught on my bag or something. All of the sudden my mom’s hand shot out of no where and grabbed me by the pigtail. She pulled my ear close and started whispering in the scariest whisper ever, the kind only Catholic Mexican moms can do, “you better watch your mouth, we are at a church and i WILL not have my daughter speaking like that” She then let go and handed my my lunch box, smiled and waved as if nothing had happened. I was terrified.
Reason 2. The blatant rip off and desecration of Lisa Lisa and The Cult Jam’s classic cut “I Wonder If I Take You Home”
I have no problems with sampling. I think sampling is awesome and a great way to revive older music and make it modern and present it to a new generation of music lovers. What I don’t like is sampling of lyrics. That shit is just lazy. If you can’t think of a hook, then you shouldn’t be writing music. BEP are retarded, their hook is….”No, No, No, Don’t Phunk With My Heart….I wonder if I take you home, would we still be in love bay-beee” But they don’t sample the record, just the lyrics. Losers.
Hick Hop
the genre blending must stop. now. i am not kidding. this is wrong in so many ways. so many. hick hop? dude. i quit.
Cowboy Troy
How about how dude rhymes, “I’m big and black…clickety clack” His hook is terrible….”I Play Chicken With The Train” WTF? I hope his hick hop ass gets hit by said train. While the train is hitting people it should also ram into Big and Rich.
Cramps The menstrual variety to be exact. Females you are with me. I have them and I am not happy. Not happy at all.
The Pope I know I have already hated on his ass. But there is a new one now, in fact this morning when I was waiting for a damned weather report I had to sit through 15 minutes of asshole news anchors speculating wether or not the smoke coming from the Vatican chimney was black or white. Are you fucking kidding me? Smoke signals? The most hilarious part is that there was a large flat screen digital display in St. Peter’s Sq so that everyone could see the smoke clearly and judge for themselves. So basically we can get a digital flat screen up in that bitch but we can’t get those Cardinals a fucking two way pager, or an AIM screen name or some other way they can let people know they are still deciding?
How rad would it be if the Cardinal Conclave had an AIM handle.
WorldJesusLovers: So, um any word?
Vatican4Life: No, not yet
WorldJesusLovers: Tough decision? lol
Vatican4LIfe: lol. it’s hard. The Cardinal from Spain is a little bitch and can’t make up his mind who he wants to vote for.
PLAYER OF THE WEEK:
The Fantanas - Don’t you wanta, wanta, Fanta?
Capri, Kiki, Sophia and Lola love Fanta and so should you. According to the website. The girls are four fun friends from Fantana Island who want to bring fun to my life. “Whenever people are bored, hot and not having any fun, that’s when The Fantanas come to the rescue” Hmm. That’s interesting. Cause I am bored as shit here and certainly not having any fun and it’s a bit stuffy in here yet no sign of Capri, Lola, Sophia or Kiki. Where are those bitches and my fucking Fanta?
My favorite is Sophia because her eyes are so close together and she is “a little artsy, but very real”
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