Hater Tuesday

If you read anything I write here you most likely know that I love to hate Tara Reid. I find her facsinating and abismal at the same time. She is a waste of space yet also an incredible source of intertainment.

Alone In The Dark was baaad. I mean baaaad. A friend and I ventured into Jack London Square in Oakland yesterday to catch Alone In The Dark. I was not anticipating it being good. Evan after reading my trusted movie critic pal Dave White’s synopsis of it’s horribleness, I was still set on going so I could see it unfold with my own eyes.

Right about here is where I should go into what the movie is about but there is no real story to speak on. Seriously. The movie makes zero sense. It has absolutely no logic, reasoning or continuity to it. All I can tell you is it involves zombies, evil genius scientists that shoot up ancient evil creature blood, evil native american rituals,archeology, a US gov funded paranormal army, yes paranormal army, lots of shooting of stuff, weird creatures that fuse onto people’s spines and some how this is all connected to Christian Slater and his childhood spent in an evil orphanage.

Despite the complete lack of continuity, the performances by Tara Reid are phenomenal. Her ability to switch between “smart archeologist” and “sultry temptress” is remarkable. I mean one minute she has her hair up in a messy bun and those glasses that make her look so clever and the next she is prancing around in a midrift bearing top and has her locks down and flowing. How many actresses do you know that have that kind of diversity? Her dialog is also quite convincing. I am pretty sure that all but 4 of her lines were, “It’s Abkani” Remembering that kind of involved dialog must have been a challenge, not to mention her stellar delivery of said lines. I am happy to see her in something that challenges her normal “range”. Ha!

All in all I enjoyed watching it though. There was a lot of blood and gore, which I love and have a habit of laughing at. I was the only person in the theater that laughed out loud whenever they showed extreme violence, like this one scene that depicts a woman with her head split in two and twitching about…I could not stop laughing. The film was all that I anticipated and more. my pal who came with does not have the patience I have so she got crazy ancy the last 35 minutes or so and started text messaging people and intermittently asking me “Can we go?” or yelling out ” YOU’RE NOT SMART” whenever Tara came on screen and delivered lines like, “I’ll upload the text and see if I can plot the coordinates…blah,blah,blah” or “THOSE GLASSES AREN’T FOOLING ANYONE!” I had to keep shushing her so I could concentrate on the film. Well not really but you feel me.

In other news, PERMS ARE BACK! Well at least that is what my Netscape newspage says. A story on how perms are back and how to prepare your hair and care for your hair post perm was one of their lead stories today. Dang, times must be tough. Call me crazy but wasn’t there a major election in a certain country that we have all been arguing about and soldiers have been dying for that took place recently? Shouldn’t maybe that trump a story on perms? Oh well what are you gonna do? I only hope that perms really are back cause then I will have shitloads of new people to diss on a daily basis.

In other, other news, Bloodninja is back. Do you folks remember when I posted a link to this guy or maybe it was a friend of mine who linked him and I linked from her, whatever it was linked. The point is it’s funny as shit. Here is another installment I found today. This guy is my new hero. I really like the third one from the top where he casts Lvl 3 Eroticism. Click it and enjoy.

In seriously other news, I am in love with a record called “You’re A Woman, I’m A Machine” from Death From Above 1979. It’s fucking amazing…amazingly rocking.

I love the time changing powers of the internet…..If I post date an entry it’s sort of like a time machine and all of the sudden it’s Tuesday and not Wednesday and I haven’t slacked off at all….work with me people….

Wow, Oscar morning….When my phone didn’t ring at 6 am this morning to announce my nomination for Most Bitchiest Hater In a Leading Role, I was devastated. I mean you spend hours upon hours preparing, improving, researching for your role all in hopes that you will be recognized by your peers. I mean really that is all that matters at the end of the day… the acknowledgment of your peers is priceless. I mean my agent says that an Oscar nod of course boosts your per post price but for me it’s about my craft and my peers. Really.

And the Oscar goes to…
Blech…the fucking Oscars are already making me angry. I woke up this morning turned on the tube for a little weather update and some morning news and was instead inundated with call ins from Laura Linney (aka. that woman from that one movie), Thomas Haden Church (aka “Wasn’t that dude on Wings?”) , Imelda Staunton (aka. who?) , actors who no one knows their name. You don’t see Jaime Foxx pullin’ his ass outta bed to talk to Katie Couric and Matt Laurer about “the craft” so why do I have to listen to other assholes talk about it? Don’t get me wrong I am not a big Jaime Foxx fan nor do I think deserved two nominations….Jaime Foxx two Oscar nominations…oh pish. The whole thing makes me want to barf. I can’t stand to talk about it for one more second.

“Wait A Minute, You’re not Carson! They told me Carson was gonna be here! I wore this jacket to prove to him how grown up I am. Look at my coat. Look at it. I am almost 70 now. Where’s Carson..who are you?”

Tara Reid friend and foe of mine not really but spiritually speaking yes, has been out and about promoting her new movie Alone in the Dark co-starring Christian Slater and Stephen Dorff (more on the lunacy of this cast later) She was on TRL a few days ago and has been going the morning talk show circut as well. After being aggravated by the Oscar bullshit I switched the channel to watch the bullshitty morning show on Fox. I was rewarded with a live via satellite interview with a very hung over looking Tara Reid. The bonus was she was being interviewed by birdbrain Debbie Matonopolis formerly of The View. Needless to say, it was the most retarded interview I have ever witnessed. It was like dumb interviewing dumber. They talked next to nothing about the movie and instead went back and forth about Tara’s questionable lifestyle. I can only hope that you are fortunate enough to catch an interview with her on a tv show near you. I wish I had Tivo so that I could be catching all her appearances in hopes of capitalizing on what I am sure are priceless sound bits.
In other news, I can’t wait for this movie to come out. I will be one of the first one in line to check it out. I mean seriously with a cast of leads that reads Christian Slater, Stephen Dorff and Tara Reid, I am surprised the tag line isn’t “Fresh Outta Rehab and On the Big Screen” I am sure the Kraft service table was lined with blow, vodka and cartons of Marlboro lights. I bet it was awesome to be on that set. Oh to be a fly on the wall.

Tired ass blog templates on blogger.com- This template is wack. Everyone and thier baby mama’s uses it. I want something new clean and simple. Yes simple. I like simple so kill me.

Yes, yes, people it’s Tuesday. Thank God. I have officially been sick for one full week. A fucking week! Can you believe that shit? Who gets sick for a week? Evidently I do. Fear not, I am back at work and on the fast track to recovery so soon enough I will be back in full force over here.
This week the rays of hate are focused on :

Doctors, more specifically Kaiser Doctors: So I paid $125 bucks to see a doctor last week at the behest of my mother and co-worker Isaac. I didn’t want to go because I knew what the result would be. “Take it easy. Drink lots of fluids. Here is some cough syrup. If it doesn’t go away, call me. Neeext” I was right. I showed up a little bit late for the appointment cause I was on my death bed and it’s a little hard to hustle when you can’t really breathe, stand up or speak without wanting to die. Anyhoo, the woman at the registration desk was a real gem. She looked at me and asked “What kind of insurance do you have?” I looked at her and said “none”. She gave me a look of disgust and then demanded $125 bucks and asked if I could hurry up because she “had to close up”. I paid the dough and then waited for my name to be called. The woman who called me back into the offices could not pronounce Lydia to save her life. She came out and announce “Lyndia” to which I did not respond - for a hundred twenty five dollars the least she can do is pronounce my name correctly. Then she tried “Lyllia”, then she tried “Lie-de-ugh”. I finally looked up and asked “Lydia??” She looked at me, looked at the paper and then said “LYNDINA?” I pronounced my name a few more times hoping she would get it but nope she looked at me and said “Poponvinck?” At this point I just shook my head and said “Yes, I am Lyndina Poponvinck” All the standard stuff happened and then the doc came in and his opener was classic, “So you only got about 5 minutes with me, I gatta go get my kids” This immediately set me off. If you have to leave, don’t take a fucking appointment. Plain and simple. At least that’s how I see it. The appointment lasted about 5 minutes and ended with anticipated response “yep you’re sick, liquids, sleep, don’t go to work, here’s your note, see ya” The asshole perscribed me cough syrup with Codeine even though I told the lame nurse I am allergic to Codeine. Thanks doc. So basically, I hauled myself out of bed, paid a $125 bucks to have a doctor stick a probe in my ear and agree with me that I was sick. In short it was awesome. Real fucking awesome. I hate doctors.

My new decaf lifestyle - Yes, I said it. Decaf. I have not had a cup of coffee in a week. In fact I have not had any caffeine in a week. A full unadulterated week. Honestly, I have to admit it’s not that bad. I have been drinking Green Tea for the last few days in hopes of getting a little awake in the AM. It works aiight but it ain’t no coffee. I am staying off the sauce until I am fully back in 100% shape. Then I am gonna head right on down to Peets for a few hits of the good stuff. Whoo Hoo.

Disappearing Interns - A girl gets sick for a week and her intern just up and leaves her….WTF? I really liked Shirley, I hope she comes back. If anyone sees a short Asian girl with a bad perm and a nice smile tell her to get her ass over here. I have a press mail out to complete. Sheeesh.

Loud Talkers - So someone in my house is a fucking loud talker. Whenever he is on the phone he fucking yells, like loud. His voice booms and carries all through our house. He is also a pacer. He will loud talk and pace back and forth until he is off the phone cause he has too much fucking restless energy to just sit down and talk to someone. The pure level of his voice is so loud, I am pretty sure that if he lost connection the person on the other end could still hear him cause he is talking that loud.

Wishy-Washers - You know the type. I like it this week and I hate it the next. Make up your mind please.

Mis-pronouncers - A person’s name is special. Even if you hate your name, it’s yours and it deserves to be pronounced accurately. People who do not take the care to read and pronounce a name correctly are assholes. My name is very commonly mispronounced and I don’t understand why. I mean its pretty phonetic when you look at it Lydia Popovich. For some reason people always want to say “Lynda” or “Lie-de-ugh” and they want to say “Poponvick” or “Po-po-visk” or something lame like that. There are no “N”s in my name. Don’t add one.
Next time someone mispronounces your name make them say it right. Don’t let them get away with butchering it. Assholes.