Have you seen this new KFC commercial?

The scent of fried chicken is like no other….it the siren’s song that sings to you so sweetly you can’t help but long to sink your teeth into its tender embrace. A seasoned chicken eater can distinguish shitty fast food chicken from real good drained on a paper bag chicken from the scent alone.  Fried chicken should always be carefully transported. The bus is not really the best way to transport chicken. It’s fragrant as fuck and you can fuck up a perfectly good evening commute with one bucket of chicken. Maybe you’ve never ridden the 22 Fillmore or the 38 Geary but 7 out of 10 rides someone on that bus has a bag of Popeyes or KFC. The stench of KFC in combination with homeless rank and blunt smoke is next to impossible to erase from your nasal membranes. It’s bad enough to put you off fried chicken forever.

In what kind of world does a chicken tender from KFC make a bus commute a more sane place? It’s one thing to encourage people to eat KFC. It’s another thing to encourage them to transport it on the bus. It’s an entirely different thing to encourage eating on the bus and to encourage offering it to strangers? Seriously KFC, Who the fuck OFFERS a chicken tender to a stranger on the bus? If you aren’t five or certifiable crazy offering chicken tenders to strangers is just not a good look. Period. Who the fuck TAKES a chicken tender on the bus from a stranger?

This is some quality hatin’. I didn’t even know that San Jo was hosting baby hipsters. It’s always been home to bros. Bros are everywhere ESPECIALLY downtown. My hood is mostly gentrified white people with babies now. It used to be cholos and blue hairs. I miss the cholos. I have to drive all the way to the East Side to see them. Every once in a while some wayward cholos can be seen wandering about the Rose Garden but they are usually just there because they didn’t get the memo about their Prima’s cumple being moved out to that one park by Story and White.

I know this is like a week old but I still can’t stop laughing.

Lada Gaga can’t walk or dress for shit.

I’m sure someone has already animated this into a fucking awesome Gif….but that would require more Googling and frankly, I don’t have the time for that shit.

R.Kelly proves once again that he’s the mutherfucking KINGPIN of R&B.

R Kelly f. The-Dream, Tyrese and Robin Thicke, “Pregnant” MP3.

This man can write records like Pregnant, Sex Planet*,  The Zoo*, Trapped In The Closet Pts 1-12** , In The Kitchen and STILL get asked to write the World Cup anthem. I’ve been saying it since time began and made it into a shirt in 2006…and finally got to show him that shit in person in 2009. Mutherfuckers are finally listening (Thanks Aziz!)

R. Kelly Is Magic!!

I mean who else twitters Weird Al shit like this.

*These songs are on the same album btw….

**THERE ARE 15 MORE CHAPTERS OF TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET PEOPLE!! DON’T MAKE ME START AN ONLINE PETITION!

Unborn Baby Tweets: I thought expectant mother blogs were annoying. Evidently people are now tweeting for their unborn babies. Lance Armstrong’s wife is tweeting for unborn. Fucking creepy. So if you give a shit about what fruit is most comparable to the size of this Lance’s zygote peep it.

And now for the list — a peek into my mind….random shit I’ve scribbled to myself in my notebook:

• I roofied myself once
• “Don’t let the batch sit too long”
• I don’t like doing yoga. My body doesn’t bend that way. Don’t tell me to try Bikram….that shit smells like octopus farts and hippy sweat
• Puking makes you feel human again
• “Look at this fucking caucophany of rap nerds”

• A woman stopped me on Haight St last week and asked me for my shirt…

“Um, I’m sorta busy wearing it right now,” I said.

“BUT I CAN’T WEAR THIS BLUE….THIS IS A LESBIAN COLOR!!” she said outraged as she started ripping it off exposing her droopy dirty heroin tits.

• Here is a sampling of corporate metaphors I’ve overheard at work in the last two weeks:

1. We need to explore how to build a better mousetrap.
2. Let’s focus on harvesting the low hanging fruit
3. Lets not throw the baby out with the bathwater
4. We need to develop a strategy to really grow the pie
5. Our goal is to drive the cattle across the river
6. The train has left the station…
7. We’re not out of the woods yet
8. We can lead a horse to water, but we need to make sure he drinks….and keeps drinking.
9. Let’s get down to brass tacks

What is up with the proliferation of cat-based humor? It’s reaching epic levels of ironic hipster proportions.

Devo is hosting a listening party for a room full of cats who look like they don’t give a shit….cause you know, they’re fucking cats.

http://www.ustream.tv/devo

Evidently the Klaxtons are also getting in on the cat jokes too… this is their album cover

And then there is this – cats turning on cats. They’ve had enough. A movement has been started.

As my friend Jon said, “It’s about time, that kind of cat minstrel show is hampering our progress as a people.”