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Ladies & Gentlemen, It’s Mutherfucking Hater Tuesday!

Miley, Miley, Miley!

Mutherfuckers got that Miley fever. Everyone is up in arms about Miley Cyrus not wearing pants, “twerking” and fraternizing with rappers.  Guess what, she’s 20. Thats what happens when you’re 20. You test your limits. You get shitty haircuts, wear too much make up and put together questionable outfits. But she got that Hannah Montana skrilla so she’s doin’ it extra large.  I say leave Miley alone. Let her get freaky. At the end of the day she’s the one that has to look Dolly Parton in the eye and be proud of who she is.

She’s going for it… she ain’t worried bout nothin’

Also you know you just jealous … who DOESN’T want to hang out with ALL the rappers?

Thematic 5Ks

My Facebook feed is inundated with viral marketing for The Color Run, Tough Mudder, Blacklight Run, Zombie Run, Bad Prom Run. You fucking name it, there’s a thematic 5K based on it. That’s the only way to get Americana to exercise publicly. Involve an opportunity to dress up like an asshole and consume alcohol at sunrise and mutherfuckers show out. The worst part is on Monday fools be like, “Yeah…I ran a 5K this weekend. It’s the third one this year.” Mmmmhmmm. Sure, you did.

Nerd Nerd

OMG I’m such a nerd nerd. Nerd? I mean nerd. Like, I’ve been nerd before nerd was even nerd. You nerd? Total nerd.

Talons

Almond tip. Dragon Lady claws. Talons. I will never understand why all these bitches think it’s bad to to have witch hands. Never.

Ladies & Gentlemen, It’s Mutherfucking Hater Tuesday!

The Internet is RUINING My Life Edition

Anyone else feel like they are on an endless internet hamster wheel of Facebook, Twitter, Gmail, Instagram, Vine, Tumblr and YouTube? By the time I finish checking all my shit it’s time to check all my shit again.

And it’s not like I’m getting VITAL news. Or gaining life changing wisdom. This week I present you with a selection of things that are contributing to the jelly-fication of my grey matter.

Instagram

Instagram reminds me EVERYDAY that this country is on High Alert, Level ORANGE on the Ratchet Infestation Scale.

Please, fathers love your daughters. Your attention today can save everyone from the ratchet realness below, tomorrow.

and this….

Googlin’ Stuff

It’s official. I’m turning into my mother. These are screencaps of shit I ACTUALLY googled in the past few weeks.

You know you are curious. Click here for the answer to this burning question (pun intended).

Vine

I can’t stop watching Riff Raff vines. It’s my official new happy place. I’ve resigned myself to accept his genius. I mean come on, Rap Game Gwen Stefani?

Twitter

My brother and I have been actively involved in an ongoing Twitter war for quite sometime now. He is infuriated that I have nearly 6 times the amount of followers that he has. His jealousy of my Twittership forces him to act out online, which forces me to retaliate. Ultimately he maintains that my Twitter is fluff and his is substance. I maintain that Twitter is fluff and therefore I rule the Twitterverse in the Popovich family.

I mean last time I checked a bunch of comic book dudes, wrestling weirdos and IRL people follow my brother. Two weeks ago, Lil B followed me. I rest my case.

I’m NEARLY to 666, so please for the love of Lucifer follow me if you aren’t already.

Inbox Gold

People email me pictures, links and all kinds of things they hate on. Most of them are kinda dumb or already well covered. Other times they are gold. GOLD. I try to write a little something and then I file it for when I need something to post. Because we live in a digital age (and I’m a moron) sometimes files are unexpectedly lost. I thought this was one of the goners. Tonight, I found it. I feel like it’s still worth it. If it’s not. I’m sorry.

IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK!

DO YOU SMELL WHAT I’M COOKING?

Facebook

Promotions, promotions, promotions. I wish that people would learn how to filter friends by geographical location and relationship so that I could stop getting invites from the 500 comics I know. I mean I’m a comic. I don’t invite other comics unless they are performing or I’m pals with them and actually would like to see their faces in the audience for support.

Then there’s all the weird spam and cookie based advertising that creeps everyone out and the “other” messages that show up out of no where from people in strange places who don’t know how to use consonants when they type. Most of these people also confuse numbers with letters.

This is like MySpace all over again.

Anyhoo…

I AM headlining a show at San Francisco Punch Line on July 23. It’s gonna be me and a bunch of pals that make ME laugh making YOU laugh. Tickets are on sale now.

Check out the event info on Facebook.

I also host an all women’s stand up showcase at the dopest bar in Oakland, The Layover. Check out our event on Facebook OR Tumblr.

So yeah man…the internet.

Ladies & Gentlemen, It’s Mutherfucking Hater Tuesday

I’m back from my Tennessee vacation and adjusting to life that does not include glasses of Apple Pie Moonshine and seeing Dolly Parton three times a day.

Luckily I found this visual metaphor to help articulate my true feelings about being back at work every day.

So why do I like Tennessee so much? Because, it’s just so real. Irony doesn’t exist and people are too poor to be precious. For example, I saw this dude at the Dolly Homecoming Parade in downtown Pigeon Forge at stop light #4 (because that’s how they name streets there)

Someone needs to email this pic to Hitachi with a note that reads: Japanese Electronics Are No Joke. Dude wasn’t trying to make a statement about analog video. Dude was just trying to videotape Dolly in all her wonder riding down the street on a huge water themed float.

I mean come on – why WOULDN’T you want to have constant access to footage of this woman?

Sure Tennessee’s ideas on nutrition are archaic and unhealthy. They have three sizes of soda there all of which are waaay too much soda. Pictured below is a “child’s size” and a medium. The child’s size is 16oz. The medium is 32 oz. Aaaand it comes in Styrofoam.

But like everything where there is bad…there is also good.

Ahh Waffle House. If only we had a REAL Waffle House. This is not a place you go to experience culinary wonders. It’s a place you go between 1-5am to get a fast efficient meal to sop up the copious amounts of whiskey and moonshine you’ve poured into your gullet. And boy is it efficient. The waitresses here don’t have time for your drunk ass. You order, you eat and you get the fuck out. For $6, I got a breakfast sandwich, hash browns and a vat of Sprite all inside of 15 minutes. GENIUS!

I also found this in Tennessee

It’s country Jon Snow. Can you see the delight in my drunk eyes? I mean COME ON. HE LOOKS JUST LIKE HIM.

I totally creeped him the fuck out when I asked to take a picture. He was like, “You REALLY like that show huh?” I nodded and then asked him to spoon me like Egret beyond the Wall. He laughed uncomfortably then slowly backed away from me like Davos when he saw Melisandre birth that black smoke baby.

Oh well.

I’m happy to be home in SF and I’m excited about the arrival of SUMMAH and all the fun that comes with. I’ll be doing some GREAT stand up shows so come out and laugh at me in real life.

We will be invading the Punch Line in SF once again on June 4.  I’ll be hosting some amazingly talented women including our headliner MARGA GOMEZ! Tickets are on sale now via Live Nation, Punch Line box office (415) 397-7573 & Goldstar. Use code word LADIES for special discount.

I will be opening for the nicest dude in comedy Jimmy Pardo at Rooster T Feathers in Sunnyvale June 7-9. Give the ladies at Rooster’s a call (408) 736-0921 or visit the website for tickets and showtimes.

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